Diary of a Skinny Black Woman

So I mentioned in my previous post that although I don't enjoy cooking, I do enjoy eating. I also added that one would never judge by my outward appearance that I like food as much as I do. This has kept me in a state of relative despondency (and I admit, self-pity) for a while now.

If you are not an African-American or Latina woman, or if you do not know a lot about either culture, it might surprise you when I say that I do not like my slender body type and wish I would gain about 15-20 pounds. While I don't mean to generalize, many black and Latino men prefer a woman who is not only curvy but "thick." While we (women of every racial background) may be united in our desire for larger breasts, and perhaps, in more recent years, bigger butts with the appeal of the J.Lo backside to non-minority women, it is usually within African-American and Hispanic cultures that women might want to be bigger overall, not just in the breasts or butt.

Like I said, I don't mean to generalize. for example, the skinny black chicks I've met from California like being thin. I'm just going off of my experience growing up as a skinny black girl from Detroit, the blackest major city in the country. I got teased in elementary school; that shit stuck with me. When I got to high school I was well-liked and didn't get picked on per se, but I definitely heard the occasional rude comment and had more than one guy say he wasn't interested in me because I "had no body." It also annoyed me to go to a family function and hear people ask, "Do you eat?", or to hear them exclaim "You're so skinny!" in front of everyone, as if I was unaware of my body and needed to be informed. It hurt, and it hurt to never feel "normal" in the black community when I was the smallest of all my friends. I was (am) insecure, and I was (am) jealous of every girl around me.

It still hurts when I see advertisements with messages such as "Real Women have Curves." So, I'm not a real woman? I am all for empowerment of my curvier sisters, but I don't think it's right to bring one group down just to lift up another. The same goes for Mo'Nique and her comedy routines: "Skinny bitches are evil" and all the hurtful jokes she's hurled out over the years, aimed toward women who are small.

It hurts when I see music videos and everyone is not only beautiful, but curvy. Or I listen to the lyrics and every artist is talking about how a thick girl with a fat ass, big titties, etc. For the past few years now, I always change the channel/leave the room if videos come on because I get too upset. It hurts when I'm around men (I have an older brother and several guy friends) and they fawn over the thick chick and go on and on about her perfect ass. It hurts when my boyfriend finds another girl attractive and her body is never like mine. I honestly don't care that he looks at other women (it's a normal guy thing), but I notice that these ladies are always much shaplier than me. As a result, I vacillate between feeling even more insecure and feeling flattered that I'm the Chosen Skinny One.


How am I now? Well, I still hate my body type. But I have accepted my height. I don't like being 5'9" but I can deal with it. I'm making progress. I used to cry about my body every day, and now it's been months since I cried. One day, I will see myself as a beautiful child of God. In the meantime, I will remind myself that Zoe Saldana and Halle Berry--beautiful black women--are both taller and slimmer than the average woman :)

Do any slim people have any comments? Guys? Thick girls? Share your thoughts.