Happy Belated Postal Worker Day

I was seriously considering starting a national holiday in honor of postal workers.  I was going to try to get President Obama's support and everything.  But it turns out, there already is one!!  It was July 1st.  I wish I had known, because I would have done something special, like offered to buy the mail carrier a drink given the mail carrier a card or something.  These people work so hard, almost every day of the year.  Just think of  how many lives depend on mail carriers?  I'll just look at myself as an example.  What if my college applications had been lost in the mail, or didn't get there by the deadline (I sent 'em in at the last minute)?  What if my income taxes never reached the IRS?  What if my National Bone Marrow Registry information wasn't delivered?  What if *gasp* my Visa bill was paid late?!?  We need these postal workers so much, and most of us take them for granted.  This post might seem stupid to you, but I feel like paying tribute to them.  Day after day these men and women drive for miles, walking up and down what are sometimes dangerous blocks in unsafe neighborhoods, carrying a heavy bag of your mail around, in any kind of inclement weather, while getting chased by dogs (sometimes).  Or, if they work at the post office, they deal with at least one rude, obnoxious customer on a daily basis.

I admit, I do have some memories from my youth that cast the postal service in an unfavorable light: mail not being delivered/being delivered to the incorrect address/other people receiving my mail, but these few minuscule mail mishaps are largely overshadowed by my love and appreciation for the men and women in blue.

Hell Hath no Fury Like a Woman Scorned

You've heard that old adage before, right?  Well it seems to be the case with Tiger Woods and his soon-to-be-ex-wife Elin Nordegren.  I understand that he cheated, with not one but multiple  skanks women, but situations like this just remind me that no one stays married anymore.  I am not at all endorsing what he did, and if my husband was out philandering with a dozen broads I too would be pretty darn pissed.  But as much as I espouse (no pun intended) fidelity in any relationship, I also espouse the ideas of forgiving your mate, resolving the issues, and treating divorce as a last resort.  Every time a public figure cheats on his wife, the shrill cries of "Dump him!"  "Divorce him!" are deafening.  Everyone seems to have this "One strike, you're out!" rule.  But what about forgiveness?  I'm not speaking only about Ms. Nordegren, because hers is an extreme case and I can see why she would be less inclined to give him  twelve a free passes.  I can also see why she'd want to bleed him dry, taking a considerable amount of money with her to Sweden with his children. Nevertheless, that sense of betrayal is not unique to the Swedish beauty, and it makes me wonder why people have become less and less capable of compassion, and less apt to allow for someone to atone for their transgressions within marriage.  It also makes me very aware that we not only live in a culture that fosters bitterness and unforgiveness, but also one that encourages revenge and retaliation.  Back when Hillary Clinton stayed married to Bill in light of the Lewinsky scandal, she was criticized vehemently by many people for remaining in the marriage, with some even calling her stupid or weak for her decision to "stand by her man."  It's sad that so many people can so easily throw in the towel.

Let's make one thing perfectly clear: I am not saying that a woman (or a man, for that matter) has to be a doormat and simply allow things to happen over, and over, and over again. Or that a victim of domestic violence should stay (Leave--IMMEDIATELY.  Your life is at risk).  However, when people take marriage vows "For better/for worse/Till Death do us part", those are sacred and should be treated with the utmost respect and solemnity.  It's too easy to get a divorce nowadays.  Getting bored with him? Don't like her morning breath?  Sex life getting a little lackluster?  Got into a few arguments?  One of you guilty of infidelity?  No biggie.  Just check the "Irreconcilable Differences" box and for a small fee of half your assets, we can make this pesky little marriage problem go away for ya, mmkay?  Some people only stay married for a few months--Britney Spears's first marriage lasted a little over two days.  People take the easy way out, and call it quits (though Britney's marriage was a huge mistake to begin with, so that's another story)

I am not judging Elin, or anyone else who divorces a cheating husband. She has to do what she feels is best for her (and hopefully for their children).  But, I do believe that most marriages, and most people, deserve a second chance, even after such a grave indiscretion as the one committed by Tiger Woods.

Top-Ten Styles That Should Go Away

Warning: Has the potential to offend a shitload of people. Do not read if you might take offense to your wardrobe. And please do not retaliate by criticizing my fashion sense (or lack thereof) in the Comments section.  Thank you.

    

1) Oversized Sunglasses

I don’t mean the big ones, though I don’t like those either, but the really HUGE ones?  Especially the huge round ones?  They look terrible and like some sort of insect. Spare me the Jackie Kennedy Onassis comparison.  Yes, the First Lady had impeccable style… in everything but sunglasses

                       

2) Leg Warmers

Who decided to remove these from the dance studio and unleash them on the streets? 

 

3) Harem pants.  I don’t care if they’re straight off a Chloé runway: they look like MC Hammer Pants.  Granted, when I was little I did want to look like Princess Jasmine from Aladdin, but it wasn’t really the pants that made me feel that way.  Even then I recognized that they were unfashionably “puffy” as I called them.

  

4) Ugg Boots  Part of the unofficial school uniform at the University of Michigan that I had to suffer through and look at for four long years.   And what’s worse is wearing them in seasons other than winter, with tank tops, shorts, and even skirts. I was almost strong-willed enough to make it through this entire post without making reference to the hackneyed “Ugg/Ugly” comparison.  Amost. 

     

5) Big Glasses  Similar to #1, this style is my LEAST FAVORITE and is the least flattering).  These look good on NO ONE. Remember when you were a kid and you used to see pictures of Mom and Dad with the big glasses, and you used to laugh about it because they were so huge and looked ridiculous?  Well, news flash: they are back in style, and for some reason, you think they’re cool now.  They’re not.  They look geeky and in need of a mullet to complete the look.  If you really dig this style, I can respect it and more power to ya.  But I have a feeling that most people are only wearing them because Jay-Z, Kid Cudi, and other celebs started rocking them. And so everyone else followed suit, because most people are followers. Stop now before you look back on your old pictures when you’re older and bemoan the error of your fashion ways.  Why are we trying to look like Steven Q. Urkel?

 

6) Not matching

Why is it in style now to not match?  I saw a picture of a little black dress worn with bright yellow shoes and a purple handbag. And another new trend is for your bikini top to be completely different than the bottom.  Why?  What is the catalyst that has driven society to abandon uniformity?  Is it a sign of the times, in that young people are more rebellious and refuse to act (or in this case, dress) in the manner deemed acceptable to society?  Or is it really that people have gone mad….?

7) Bumps/Humps I've never been a fan of this hairstyle.  I’m not talking about a little bump, I mean a huge, add a foot to your height bump.

8) Acid-Washed jeans

If you need an explanation, I suggest you increase your dosage of medication or see a shrink.  By the way, there is no shame in seeing a therapist.  But there is great shame in wearing acid-washed denim for any reason other than the preservation of your own life.

9) Bright red lipstick

This is one of my more irrational pet peeves.  There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s just my personal opinion that less than 1% of women (regardless of complexion) can actually pull off red lipstick.  Red lipstick just does too much in my opinion.

   

10)  Anything worn by Lady Gaga, Though I respect her individuality and creativity as an artist, as a woman, and as a fellow human being, I don't understand her eccentricities.  But musicians are known for unconventional dress.  More about that later, when I post about my father :)

What about you guys?  What fashions do you hate?

An Age-Old Question

Can guys n' gals be just friends?  Most people say no. I, on the other hand, say yes.  Although, as I have proven with my last post , I may not be the best person to answer these sorts of questions.  However, I am prepared to  present to you a solid argument as I make the bold assertion that yes, men and women can be just friends.  Most people will agree that people can start of like this, but sooner or later, someone is going to strike the fancy of the other.  However, I think that it can be a strictly casual thing throughout the whole friendship, not just at first.

But there are a couple of caveats!!  In order to keep things strictly platonic, the following criteria must be fulfilled:

1) You do not find one another attractive, for whatever reason (either because they are physically unappealing or because you have willed yourself to "not see them that way"  OR

2) One of you is gay

So yeah, I was mildly unsuccessful at presenting good reasons, but trust me, I know that platonic friendships can and do exist;  I don't think about my male friends like that.  So.... maybe it only works for girls?

What do you all think?  Can  an XY be friends with an XX?

I suppose I'm Foolish when it comes to this....

As I was taking to a friend the other day (let's call her Sarah* (not real name)), she was telling me that her ex-boyfriend was in town and wanted to see her. If she was in a relationship, I would have told her not to see him. But since she was single and sassy, (and I knew that she missed him) I urged her to meet up with him. She didn't want to take my advice, even at my insistence, and that sparked a girl talk that dealt with our opposing views on the dreaded topic of The Ex: To be friends, or not to be friends, that is the question.

I've always been one to advocate being friends with an ex, as long as no one hates each other. Both times a relationship of mine ended, it ended amicably. Sure, I was wounded at first, but not enough to permanently distance myself from someone who was not only a partner but a best friend. I still wanted to occasionally talk to the phone, and occasionally hang out, even though he was no longer my boyfriend. My friends, mother, and ex-boyfriend all thought I was nuts (and I guess I am in this regard, hence the title of this post).  I also came across this article, interestingly enough.

To me, the romantic relationship can end without the friendship having to end at the same time. However, Sarah* told me that I was crazy, and that in order to truly move on, no one can be friends with an ex. And what's more, no one should even try to be. Sarah wondered why her ex wouldn't just "leave her alone." I replied that it was because he didn't want to lose her completely.

I have been in a relationship where honestly, I didn't want to get back together, but I still wanted that person in my life, to keep as a close friend and keep an eye on his love life. As long as neither of us was in another relationship, I didn't see why we couldn't still be involved in each others' lives.  I wondered why my ex-bf was distancing himself so completely, and I was afraid that we wouldn't talk again, so I tried to be broken-up-buddies.  I guess you can't have it both ways. I get it, but that sucks.

What do you think?  Should you be friends with the ex?  And how far should the cessation of communication go?  Should you de-friend him on facebook?  Remove his number from your phone?  Ignore him if he says hi on the street?  Avoid going to locations where you might run into him?  Slash his tires?  Share with me.

Clearly you don't want to be taken seriously....

I've noticed when I look on Facebook that some people's names.... well, they just aren't a good look, you know? Well, perhaps you don't know what I mean. Let me explain:

I am talking about people's names on facebook. If you're using a middle name on facebook that is not your given middle name, more likely than not you should probably change it, because it is destroying your credibility and image, along with any chance for upward mobility (I kid, I kid). Examples of middle names on facebook include (these are not made up; I have actually seen these TODAY). And keep in mind that these are only a FEW examples:

-SwagDad
-StarTastic Swag
-Swag Outrageous
-Stupid Swag
-Swag So Mean

.... um, am I sensing a pattern of swag here? Yeah I thought so. Anyway, back to the list:

-Polo-wearin King
-Stuntin on deez hoez
-Beauty is Cursed
-Hatersluvme
-Haterproof
-DaMoney
-TooFly
-So. Fly Def

and finally, last but not least, it's a tie between

"Fresherthanyobabymama" and "Unfukwitable"


No. Comment.

I'm not trying to admonish anyone against spicing up his or her facebook name. A couple of my friends are DJs and their facebook names reflect that. That's cool. But if I were to take a lesson from this girl and become Danielle "Fresherthanyobabymama" Hayden, then clearly, I don't want to be taken seriously. And frankly, with a name like that, I might also be saying that I don't want a job. EVER.

Unless you're this person, you have no excuse for your terrible facebook name.

Do better.        

I know I'm being really petty, but....

DiS sH*T iS oNe Uv Da DuMiSt TrEnDz EvA!!!!

Translation: "This shit is one of the dumbest trends ever."

Could you read that without getting a headache? Were you able to decipher this strange code? Do you often do things that are completely stupid and pointless? If you answered 'no' to one or more of these questions, then you are not alone. You are one of the thousands of people who are confused by the upper-case/lower-case invasion. For some strange reason, unbeknown to me, people feel the need to type in upper and lower case letters in the same word. Makes no sense to you? Yeah, me neither. Not only is it silly, but it seems like it would be a tad bit time-consuming, no? HaViNg To CoNsTaNtLy HoLd DoWn 'sHiFt' Or PrEsS 'cApS lOcK' seems a bit tedious. But this trend is just the first of many that I will write about with an interesting mixture of confusion, amusement, and pity. There have been several occasions when I looked at someone's Facebook page or Twitter account and found myself puzzled. It's not the slang that bothers me (although there should be a limit placed on how many words in the English language that can be acceptably butchered at one time) It's mostly just tHiS.

Automatic Gratuity

I always leave a tip and, when I can, I tip generously. I'm not the parsimonious kind, and I also understand how little waitresses/waiters (excuse me for not being politically correct; I'm sorry servers). But even so, something that really grinds my gears (if you watch Family Guy you will understand the grinding of the gears) is when I go to a restaurant with a large party and an automatic 15, 20% (sometimes more) is added to our bill, and then a tip is expected as well. This is not a case of me being cheap; I just think that gratuity should be earned, and not automatically applied to a bill. I will concede that a larger party is more difficult to serve; you've got more dishes, drinks, and desserts to keep track of and serve. But, to me this does not merit an automatic gratuity in addition to a tip. I have had breakfast at Bob Evans being served by the best waitress alive, and my family left her more than $70 (and this was when I was little, before it became mandatory to pay gratuity). Conversely, I have had terrible service at a different restaurant (which shall remain nameless), and although our waitress was not only incompetent but also rude, we had more than six people, so guess what? Automatic gratuity. I would have left her some money anyway, because it's straight up rude to leave without some sort of monetary token of appreciation. But to have to pay 20% gratuity for poor service? (and the bill was costly so 20% was a lot for each of us to pay). It's simply unfair. I think it breeds a poor work ethic towards large parties. Since I have never worked in a restaurant, I cannot offer a different perspective. But I know that I do not like being forced to give my money away, especially not to rude people. I have changed everything from hair stylists to college courses to get away from rudeness.

How about you all? Is automatic tipping ok? And do any servers out their want to offer their opinion? Share.

Diary of a Skinny Black Woman

So I mentioned in my previous post that although I don't enjoy cooking, I do enjoy eating. I also added that one would never judge by my outward appearance that I like food as much as I do. This has kept me in a state of relative despondency (and I admit, self-pity) for a while now.

If you are not an African-American or Latina woman, or if you do not know a lot about either culture, it might surprise you when I say that I do not like my slender body type and wish I would gain about 15-20 pounds. While I don't mean to generalize, many black and Latino men prefer a woman who is not only curvy but "thick." While we (women of every racial background) may be united in our desire for larger breasts, and perhaps, in more recent years, bigger butts with the appeal of the J.Lo backside to non-minority women, it is usually within African-American and Hispanic cultures that women might want to be bigger overall, not just in the breasts or butt.

Like I said, I don't mean to generalize. for example, the skinny black chicks I've met from California like being thin. I'm just going off of my experience growing up as a skinny black girl from Detroit, the blackest major city in the country. I got teased in elementary school; that shit stuck with me. When I got to high school I was well-liked and didn't get picked on per se, but I definitely heard the occasional rude comment and had more than one guy say he wasn't interested in me because I "had no body." It also annoyed me to go to a family function and hear people ask, "Do you eat?", or to hear them exclaim "You're so skinny!" in front of everyone, as if I was unaware of my body and needed to be informed. It hurt, and it hurt to never feel "normal" in the black community when I was the smallest of all my friends. I was (am) insecure, and I was (am) jealous of every girl around me.

It still hurts when I see advertisements with messages such as "Real Women have Curves." So, I'm not a real woman? I am all for empowerment of my curvier sisters, but I don't think it's right to bring one group down just to lift up another. The same goes for Mo'Nique and her comedy routines: "Skinny bitches are evil" and all the hurtful jokes she's hurled out over the years, aimed toward women who are small.

It hurts when I see music videos and everyone is not only beautiful, but curvy. Or I listen to the lyrics and every artist is talking about how a thick girl with a fat ass, big titties, etc. For the past few years now, I always change the channel/leave the room if videos come on because I get too upset. It hurts when I'm around men (I have an older brother and several guy friends) and they fawn over the thick chick and go on and on about her perfect ass. It hurts when my boyfriend finds another girl attractive and her body is never like mine. I honestly don't care that he looks at other women (it's a normal guy thing), but I notice that these ladies are always much shaplier than me. As a result, I vacillate between feeling even more insecure and feeling flattered that I'm the Chosen Skinny One.


How am I now? Well, I still hate my body type. But I have accepted my height. I don't like being 5'9" but I can deal with it. I'm making progress. I used to cry about my body every day, and now it's been months since I cried. One day, I will see myself as a beautiful child of God. In the meantime, I will remind myself that Zoe Saldana and Halle Berry--beautiful black women--are both taller and slimmer than the average woman :)

Do any slim people have any comments? Guys? Thick girls? Share your thoughts.

I'm basically a Chef... NOT

So, anyone who knows me well knows that I do not enjoy cooking. Not, it's not because of some feminist agenda that rejects the notion that a woman's role is in the kitchen. I just really don't enjoy cooking. It's pretty strange that I haven't mastered the culinary arts, considering how much I love to eat (though my body type would suggest otherwise). It's something that I hope to overcome.

It was today that I realized just how strong my aversion to cooking is, and how terribly it has impacted my life. I have been living in Chicago for a month, and I have not cooked anything since I've been here. Not one pot or pan has been used. I have either microwaved it or eaten something pre-packaged, or made a sandwich out of it, or I have gone out to eat (rarely; takeout is expensive and I basically work for free). To my credit, there are a few other reasons for this, one being: 1) The nearest grocery store is not within walking distance and, since I don't have a car, I would have to walk with heavy bags (which I did once; wasn't fun in the scorching heat).  2) I am terrified of one of my roommates (I'm subletting for the summer) and try to avoid her whenever possible, and she is a master at cooking and frequents the kitchen often. I like her, she likes me (and cooked me some fajitas that were positively ambrosial) , but she is intimidating as hell. But more about that later. 3) Well, I suppose there is no third reason why I haven't prepared any food in Chicago. Three should be the minimum number of excuses, but alas, I fall short...

I did cook in my apartment in Michigan, so it's not as if I literally never cook anything, but most of the time if I cooked it was for Boyfriend. I forced myself to get in that kitchen and put on an apron (ok, just kidding about the apron) to cook for him. He loves my cooking, and actually I like it too. But not enough to do it on a regular basis, sadly. While my cooking expertise is limited, I can do a lot more than boil water and make toast (or make Ramen Noodles, despite the picture above). And I certainly know how to read a cookbook. So why don't I do it??

Part of it is sheer laziness, which I readily admit. Though I have a job, do community service regularly, and engage in other activities, sometimes I find myself gravitating toward a sedentary existence; taking a little too much "down time." But this can't be ascribed entirely to laziness. Sometimes I'm too lazy to do household chores too, but eventually (though admittedly, with reluctance) I will do them. But unlike chores, I just won't cook, unless it's for other people or I'm helping my mother on Thanksgiving or my grandmother when I visit.

This is a something that I hope to remedy, because it is certainly more of a vice than a virtue. I want to cook for my husband, and my children, and my family and friends. I want to cook a wide array of things for a wide array of people, but more importantly, I want to enjoy doing it. I want to be like my mom (you will hardly ever hear me admit that, though she is an amazing and wonderful person). She is a phenomenal cook, and I want to be like that. I wish I was motivated enough to even learn.  Even my father and brother cook much of the time.

Cooking just takes so much preparation and time, and quite frankly I find it boring. I'd much rather eat. But I need to force myself to do it, and commit to it. I need to stop making excuses. I also need to pray that God will work with my heart to help me develop a passion for cooking. But God helps those who help themselves, so I'd better get in that kitchen!!!

How about you, reader? Can you cook? If not, would you like your man/woman to know how to cook? What can't you do that you would like to learn how to do/get motivated to do?

Welcome

Hi! I've been coming up with myriad excuses to avoid writing my first post for months now. It took me a long time to even start the blog itself, and then, my procrastinatory nature stepped in yet again to ensure that it would be another several months before I actually posted something here. As you can see, the name of my blog is "Scribo, Ergo Sum" which is Latin for "I write, therefore I am." If you are unfamiliar with philosopher Rene Descartes or the phrase "Cogito Ergo Sum (I think, therefore I am)" then it might seem puzzling to you why I would choose that as my title. It took me a while to come up with a title (which I conveniently used as one of my excuses for not blogging). It still might not be the perfect title; everything is subject to change, but for now it works.

I have always been a writer. I have kept journals since I was about nine, and I wrote short stories, essays, poems, thoughts, etc. I was that kid in class who was often happy to complete writing assignments. Writing--and its companion, reading-- have been passions of mine for many years now--although I certainly have more. I love words, the way they sound, the way they can affect people, evoke emotion, elicit change. I love the things that I can do with them, and the way I can string them together to tell a story or convey a point. Words have power.

When I first told people I was starting a blog, almost all of them asked, "What's your blog going to be about?" Everyone seemed to expect me to only blog about a certain issue or a particular set of issues, which threw me off. Thus, I was ill-at-ease, and lacked confidence when I replied, "Um... I'm gonna talk about everything." I want to talk about whatever is on my mind, whatever is in the news, whatever is in my heart. True, most of the blogs I read are devoted to one area, but I sort of see this blog as a space for me to just write whatever the heck I want, sort of like I've been doing with my journal for all these years.

But in case you're still wondering what kind of blog Scribo Ergo Sum is, let me tell you what it isn't:

This is not a political blog, though from time to time I will speak on matters of policy, both foreign and domestic, and depending on the topic I could sound like Bill O'Reilly or Al Sharpton, two polarizing political pundits. I am conservative on certain issues, and liberal on others, as you will see. I love social commentary, and I am not afraid to put it on my blog.

This is not a blog about relationships, though I will touch on matters of the heart. My opinions are my own, and are simply that:opinions. I do not profess to be a relationship expert, though I do think I have good insight on this war between the sexes--and not simply because Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is in my repetoire. I am also fortunate enough to not only be in what is (arguably) a successful long-term relationship (so I know, at least to some extent, how to make things work) but I have also seen countless relationships around me fail (so one might argue that I also know a lot of what not to do)

This is not a blog about race. I am not a person who likes to make everything an issue of race, and I am sometimes annoyed by people who do. However, as a woman of color, I will present issues on this blog if they affect me enough to merit a serious discussion about oppression, marginalization, disenfranchisement, prejudice, discrimination, and all those other ugly words we know and hate. The same goes for other issues: sexism, classism, anti-Semitism, hate crimes against the LGBTQ community, etc. And also, if I don't post about it, that doesn't mean that I am apathetic towards it.

This is not a blog about pop culture. However, as a movie-buff, a lover of music/art/theatre, a relatively fashionable person, and as someone who is as up-to-date on the lives of celebrities as many other people are, I'm going to blog about what's going on in today's culture, some of which are superficial things. I am kind-hearted but it is in this area that I am most likely to write some things that offend people (like if I talk about Acid Washed jeans, for example).

So what is it? Like I said, it's everything. It's just my opinions, which you may or may not share. Please be respectful if you leave comments. I hope you enjoy my writing.

Love,

D.