Sorry, but no more commenting

Call it an act of cowardice, I don't care.  I'm no longer allowing people I don't know to comment on my blog.  I'm a pretty sensitive gal, and I'm not one of those people who can brush off mean remarks (or snide ones, come to think of it).  I don't want to stop blogging entirely (though the internet is no place for a person lacking a backbone, so maybe I should stop) but I do want to disable the comments section.  I don't mind dissent, but I do mind some comments I've received since I started writing.

On the one hand, I was basically asking for it since I decided to put myself out there in cyberspace.  It shouldn't come as a huge shock that some person chose to leave some feedback that I didn't like.  But in fact it does surprise me, because I never thought anyone would stumble on the blog anyway.  There are literally millions of blogs out there; I didn't think I'd have many readers on my random blog with no structure, no theme, not even any 'awesome' 'rad' or 'bitchin'' grapics.  I mean, it's not like I have tons of readers anyway, but my blog has been visited almost 700 times (this does not include my own pageviews).  So I am not going to wait around until I get a really scathing comment that makes me cry.  That day is coming, and I'd rather prolong the inevitable.

So anyway, I've rambled enough (which is what I always do), so I'll just reiterate:  You may read all you want, but I won't allow comments anymore.

-Danielle

Ambivalence: Seattle Edition

I’ve been living in Seattle/the surrounding area for four months now.  I like it here, but I don’t think that I could settle here.  It feels good but doesn’t quite feel like “home.”  That’s not a particularly explicit statement, but this is how I feel and I can't think of a better way to say it.   I like Seattle overall, and this post is mainly to write about what I think of this gem of the Pacific Northwest (did you like that?  It sounds like it came straight from a travel guide).

I see this view almost everyday. Check out that mountain

I love the diversity here. 98118 (here in Seattle) is the most diverse zip code in the United States.   I know that the word “diversity” has become a hackneyed term; an overused word that does little more than conjure up memories of recent affirmative action court cases, or complaints against quotas in hiring.  But seriously, I love the diversity here.  And I’m not just talking about racial diversity, though people automatically think “blacks!!!!” when they hear the word.  I’m talking about racial, ethnic, religious, gender/gender-identity, sexual orientation, socioeconomic, (dis)ability, etc.

As you know if you read this blog, I take public transportation.  Pick any given workday in Seattle, and I can tell you that I could be riding the bus with a Somali man and his daughters, an Ethiopian teenager, a Vietnamese grandfather, a lesbian from El Salvador, a Canadian vegan, an Eritrean college student majoring in Russian literature, a wealthy French woman who works for Microsoft, whose headquarters are nearby.   It’s a veritable mosaic every time I venture outside.  There's no telling who I'll meet or stalk on my way to work.  

Recently at work, I was asked for money from a Cambodian ex-convict.  I knew some things about their culture, but the closest I came to ever encountering a Cambodian before I moved to Seattle was seeing Angelina Jolie’s son Maddox in the media.   I met a woman from the Makah Native American tribe; I had never even heard of the Makah people.  Of course, I was proud to have heard of tribes other than Cherokee, which seems to be the only one folks are familiar with, but I had not heard of the Makah.  Also at work, I helped out a black Jew. I work with a practicing Wiccan, whom I adore.  I never thought I’d meet a Wiccan in person.  Though I had researched it in high school and knew that its followers were growing, I thought the likelihood of me meeting a Wiccan was as likely as me meeting a person who celebrated Kwanzaa.  Read: not likely.  But hey, that’s Seattle, for ya. 

Growing up in Detroit, I wasn’t surrounded by a lot of different cultures.  People call Detroit ‘diverse’ but it’s really not.  People are silly and think diversity is just a code name for ‘lots of black people.’ But Detroit proper is like 90% black; how exactly is this figure diverse?  Detroit is the most segregated metropolitan area in the country, with the majority of people of color living in the city and the majority of whites living in the suburbs.  Before I decided to attend an elite, mostly white university, all the schools I attended K-12 were almost 100% African-American (though a small handful of blacks were Ghanaian or Nigerian), everyone was cisgender, with almost all identifying as exclusively heterosexual, almost all Christian—whether that was by personal connection to a church or just because of how they were raised.    I love being surrounded by people who are different from me.  Even in college I didn’t meet this many different types of people in one sitting. 

It’s a myth that it rains year-round in this city, and when it does rain, it's usually a light drizzle.  It's not the monsoon-like torrential downpour that people often associate with this place.  According to Wikipedia (a truly reliable source, mind you!!), as well as my own observations and testimonials from native Seattlites (is that the correct term for them...?) it rains a lot more in other places than it does here.  I hate rain, and trust me, it rained a lot more while I lived in Chicago over the summer than it has in Seattle for four months.  True, it is quite grey here (yes I spell ‘grey’ with an –ey like the Brits because I like it better), but I like grey skies.  I’m one of those rare people who isn’t too fond of sunshine.  I do like kittens, though, so I’m not a monster.  Just don’t like sunshine.

I like that people are educated here.  It is a fact that this city contains the highest percentage of college-educated persons in the country.  This is why I went to a bar and somehow ended up talking about Germanic literature with a stranger over drinks, and went to another bar and slurred conversed about anacoluthia.  This is why I read the alternative weekly papers here and am amazed by the writers’ prose and piquant wit.  This is why the homeless guy asking me for money had a copy of The Apocrypha in his hat.  This is why there is a hot dog stand here called ‘Dante’s Inferno’, an apartment building called ‘Sir Galahad,” and another one called ‘The Iliad.”  Therefore I, the self-proclaimed intellectual snob can find solace in any library, coffee shop (and I don't even drink coffee) or even grocery store.

I love that it’s clean, and it’s a big city but not too big like New York.  There’s culture, there are museums, there is a pretty nice nightlife.  The mountains are breathtakingly, majestically beautiful.  The whole state of Washington looks like it should be on a postcard.  And there are plenty of parlors for me to get my next tattoo.  All in all, it’s pretty cool.

I don’t like that Seattle, though a rather friendly town, isn’t so friendly to Christians.  Believers are certainly a minority in this city, and I am reminded of it constantly.  Whether I’m reading the newspaper or dealing with someone at work, there is a real anti-Christian sentiment brewing here.  I don’t take it personally; I mean, most of them aren’t deliberately insulting me.  Most of them just think I’m stupid or mislead, and some of them (God bless ‘em) try to ‘convert’ me to atheism.  I’ve dealt with non-believers before, of course.  One of my areas of study in college was philosophy, for crying out loud.   It’s not only a useless major (though I loved it and don’t regret studying it), but it’s also filled with skeptics and other people who are too reasonable to believe in God.  So of course, these debates are nothing new.  But I have never felt as alone as I do here with my beliefs.  [Insert pilgrim in unholy land quote] J.  And there not nearly as many pro-lifers here as there are in Michigan; at least not visible ones.  The paucity of piety is something I really feel.  People sometimes give me a strange look when I say I’m a Christian or they see the cross around my neck, as if I am emitting a strange odor.  It’s a weird phenomenon, but at least now I know how other people [religious minorities/people sans religion] feel vis-à-vis Christians.  The shoe is now on the other foot, and I think it’s an Ugg boot. (If you know how I feel about Uggs, then that sentence made sense to you).

This is petty, but I don’t like the way they respond to snow here.  Around Thanksgiving, we got our first snowfall, and it was around 1-2 inches.  1-2 inches, and they closed the schools, people got into car accidents all over the city, people (including a pregnant woman) were stuck in traffic for over 12 hours, a man died after being hit by a car on the freeway, no one could drive properly, people were getting stuck—it was effing ridiculous!  In Michigan, that’s nothing!  Especially in Detroit.  DPS closed the schools twice (twice!) in my entire K-12 career.  The rest of the time I was trudging through the snow in blizzards, wearing the snowpants my mother forced me to wear until I was old enough to make a case against such abject humiliation.  People in Seattle were freaking out over a few inches of snow.  And to add insult to injury, the tow trucks wouldn’t even come out to help people because they said, “The weather’s too bad.”  WTF?  You are AAA (Triple-A) and you dare not brave the treacherous two inches of snow flurries??  It was insulting.  I know that winters here are supposed to be mild.  It rarely snows in Seattle, and this season is supposed to be the worst winter in fifty years (I picked a hell of a time to move here. I hate snow even more than I hate sunshine).  Since the snow is so rare, I understand that Seattle was ill-prepared.  However, you’d think that they would take lessons from the Midwest and put down salt, which melts ice.  Instead, they put nothing down on the roads, and the scratch their heads in confusion as automobiles collide into one another after sliding on ice.  Or, since they clearly want to piss me off and don’t want to put my tax dollars to good use, they'll sometimes put down SAND, which does nothing whatsoever.  Sand.  Are you kidding me? 

Of course, I miss my family and friends.  I have Boyfriend, but I would love to be closer to everyone else. This isn’t Seattle’s fault, but it plays a role (albeit small) in how I feel about staying here permanently.  I came out here sort of on a whim.  I think it was great to get away from Michigan, even if only for a year.  I spent 22 years there, and it was time for a change.  I probably won’t make this my home forever, but it has been nice.  Living in Seattle is like dating a guy (or girl, whatever floats your boat) who is great but not quite what you’re looking for, and you can't really figure out why.  This person is nice for now, but you don’t see yourself committing to this person long term because he/she is not The One.  Sure, you could be happy with this person, but you are convinced that there is one city that is right for you and will best connect with you. 

So, I think when summer arrives, I’m going to tell Seattle that we should see other people.  I’ll begin with, “It’s not you, it’s me….”    

I think I’ll keep sneezing. Thanks anyway, though.

If you watch television at all, then you have seen a prescription drug commercial.  If you listen to the narrator (who talks in a rapid pace so it’s difficult to follow the horror of her words), you’ll notice that her cheerful lilt is attempting to mask a description of awful (and potentially fatal) side effects.  I’m certainly not here to criticize people who use antidepressants, painkillers, anti-anxiety medications, allergy meds, Viagra (ha), etc.  I just think that many ailments are not worth the risk of prescription drugs.  Let’s ignore the fact that you could become addicted to these drugs.  That is bad enough.  Instead, I’d like to focus on the side effects, bearing in mind that these are only the ones that I’ve heard mentioned commercials.  If you conduct further research (or use your common sense), you’ll realize that there are a multitude of other side effects that, for whatever reason, did not make the cut during final editing.  Here are some of the side effects I’ve heard for different drugs:

·         Nausea

·         Stroke

·         Heart Attack

·          Blood Clots

·          Difficulty breathing

·         Increased thoughts of suicide (ironically, this was for an antidepressant medication)

·         “Sexual side effects” (a vague term that could mean anything from a night of flaccidness to a radioactive, neon orange discharge)

·          Muscle pain/loss of muscle control and coordination

·         Immune system disorders (I'm misquoting here but they made some reference to a compromised immune system)

·         Diarrhea

·         Death

It’s sad how dependent we have become on these drugs, some of which essentially make us more ill than we were in the first place.  Gone are the days when we solved our problems the natural way.  Again, this post isn’t to criticize or judge anyone who pops a few pills.  There’s nothing wrong with it.  I considered taking antidepressants a few years back.  I’m just saying, I wouldn’t take a prescription allergy medication to cure a few coughs, sneezes, and runny noses if it meant that I would then suffer from cholera.  And scurvy.  Simultaneously. (ok, I’m exaggerating.  But you get the point.)

Here’s some effects for the weight-loss medication Orlistat that I found:

What side effects can this medication cause?

Orlistat may cause side effects. The most common side effect of orlistat is changes in bowel movement (BM) habits. This generally occurs during the first weeks of treatment; however, it may continue throughout your use of orlistat. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away:

·         oily spotting on underwear or on clothing

·         gas with oily spotting

·         urgent need to have a bowel movement

·         loose stools

·         oily or fatty stools

·         increased number of bowel movements

·         difficulty controlling bowel movements

·         pain or discomfort in the rectum (bottom)

·         stomach pain

·         irregular menstrual periods

·         headache

·         anxiety

Some side effects can be serious. If you experience any of these symptoms, call your doctor immediately:

·         hives

·         rash

·         itching

·         difficulty breathing or swallowing

·         severe or continuous stomach pain

·         excessive tiredness or weakness

·         nausea

·         vomiting

·         loss of appetite

·         pain in the upper right part of the stomach

·         yellowing of the skin or eyes

·         dark-colored urine

·         light-colored stools

So…. would I rather be a little chubby, or have difficulty controlling my bowels?  I think the former is a better option.  I’d rather not be incontinent at the young age of 22. 

Anyway, do your homework.  Find out what the risks are, and weigh those potential risks against the potential benefits.  Do you really want to take Ambien for your insomnia if it will give you night terrors?  Do you really want to lower your cholesterol with Lipitor if it can cause significant memory loss?  Maybe.  It might be worth it.  And even over the counter meds carry their own risks.  But it just seems like a lot of these pills just aren’t worth the hassle.  

Dear Atheist, I don't understand you

    
     This post isn’t about imposing my beliefs on others or disrespecting those who do not subscribe to certain ideologies. This post is just to explain how perplexed I am at people who don’t believe in God. I get that not everyone is a Christian. There are thousands of different belief systems, religions, and ways for you to say “I’m very spiritual” (which is usually a cop-out answer). I get that. I even get agnostics, who don’t claim to know anything for sure but at least acknowledge that there is a possibility of something(s) greater than ourselves.What I don’t get is people who don’t believe in anything, and think that it’s preposterous and foolhardy to believe in God, god, or gods.

     These days, atheism is a growing trend. It’s becoming more and more chic to be godless and to deny any existence of supernatural beings or forces. These elite group of educated philosophers, scientists, humanists, etc. all present arguments from their offices at Oxford/Cambridge/Harvard or wherever that show that a belief in God is like a belief in the Loch Ness Monster, The Easter Bunny, or Bigfoot.  People are writing books upon books of this stuff, and people are eating it up.  In recent years, the Atheist Bus Campaign in the U.K. has been posting brightly-colored message to bus riders.

I see the point from which their argument stems (that none of this can be proven, that it is all illogical, that we must “look at the facts”). There is no tangible “proof” that God exists. But the crux of their arguments against spirituality is actually more ridiculous than the belief itself. Allow me to explain:

The Atheists’ beliefs (and yes, they also have “beliefs”, just not ones that include a Creator):

Man evolved from a single-celled organism. We have no idea where this organism came from, or why the Big Bang happened, but for sure God didn’t cause the Big Bang, because there is no God. Anyway, back to the organism. We are descendants of a primordial protoplasm that washed up on some beach billions of years ago for whatever reason. We are merely products of time, chance, natural forces and natural selection. Our existence here is arbitrary. We exist on a planet in a solar system inside of a rapidly expanding but meaningless universe. We are purely biological, and different in degree but not in kid from a microbe, virus, or amoeba. Your capacity to love, to think, to reason unlike any other being on earth--this is all explained by science. The fact that no two people on earth have the same fingerprints, the complexity and intricacy of the human cell and the human brain, the millions of species of plants, animals, and fish; the way the world works--all of this happened purely by chance. Darwinian theory has a lot of holes in it--but who cares? It makes more sense than any idea of “God.” Science proves that God doesn’t exist!! You have no soul or spirit; no essence beyond your flesh. When you die, you will cease to exist. You have no purpose. In short, you came from nothing and you are headed nowhere.


This purely nihilistic view is one that I just can’t grasp. People would rather believe all that mumbo jumbo than even acknowledge the possibility that there’s a reason for all this madness. I understand how religion (organized or not) results in the disillusionment of many. I don’t get how you can just renounce beliefs entirely. A belief in a Higher Power is necessary for many reasons, least of all to preserve your own sanity. If this life was all we had, then nothing would matter at all. The other think I can’t abide is the argument that science somehow disproves the existence of God. I vehemently refute that. Science and religion are not mutually exclusive (though this idea is promoted by both theists and atheists alike). Atheists like to point out empirical data and say, “See? Science explains these phenomena. That proves God is fake and the Bible is just a collection of fairy tales.” No, actually it proves nothing. Just because you just showed me one of Newton’s Laws doesn’t mean God doesn’t exist. God is governing the law of inertia. If my argument can’t show atheists that God exists (or is likely to exist), then they definitely can’t prove to me that He doesn’t just by playing the Evolution card. There is no doubt in my mind that God exists. Do I have questions about certain Bible passages? Of course. Is it logical to believe in Immaculate Conception, Satan and hell, Noah’s Ark, or Jonah being eaten by a large fish? No, it’s not, but faith is believing without seeing. But in my relationship with Christ, I’ve seen enough, felt enough and have had enough miracles to know the Truth.


Still in doubt? Watch the series ‘Life’ on the Discovery Channel (ignoring the fact that Oprah’s voice lessens the enjoyment) and then come back and tell me that there is no God. I dare you.

Bus Characters

      I take public transportation on a daily basis.  Until I get a car and a driver’s license and can afford to pay for insurance and gas, I will continue to ride the bus or train.  I don’t mind riding the bus, but I wish certain people weren’t riding with me.  They can cause a bad—and occasionally traumatic—experience.  There are certain people, call them the Archetypes of Public Transportation.  Nine times out of ten, I ride the bus with at least one (and sometimes all) of these people.  They should just stay home and save us normal passengers the trouble.  If I were a woman of immense wealth and influence, I would buy them all cars just so they could get the hell off the buses.  Well actually, if I had money I’d just by myself a damn automobile and then I wouldn’t have to write blog posts like this.

Sidenote: I’ve been doing a lot of ranting on this site lately.  Forgive me.  I’m not like this in real life.  I mean, these are definitely my thoughts, but I’m not the angry psycho whose only purpose in life is to complain.  But I digress.  Back to my nitpicking.

Anyway, these are the bus characters I have to deal with:

1) The loud talker

Sir or Ma’am, no one wants to hear your conversation about how many child support payments your “baby’s daddy” has missed.  So please, either get off the phone, or learn to talk at a reasonable volume.  Why do you have to speak so loudly?  This is especially annoying early in the morning.  I sometimes ride the 7 a.m. bus.  Although I don’t go to sleep while in transit (because of the very real and valid fear of missing my stop and ending up in Portland) I still don’t want to hear that much gotdamn noise while it’s barely light outside.  Only when I have children will I deem tolerable the loquacious and loud.  Woe is he who hears the blabber of blatherskites.  Especially if they are of the rat persuasion; I hate when black people act a fool.  I hate when anyone acts like they were raised by Soulja Boy wolves, but it’s especially upsetting and embarrassing when one of my own reinforces stereotypes.

2) The stranger who talks to you when you’re not in the mood

Now, unlike Loud Talker, I am never upset with this person.  They mean well.  I understand that riding the bus can be boring, and maybe they just want someone to talk to.  (yes I know I just ended my sentence with a preposition.)  I always smile at people when I make eye contact with them, many times I say hello, and I always tell the bus driver thank you and have a good day/night.  To me, that’s all that needs to be said on the bus.  I don’t mind when people chat on the bus.  I chat on the bus if I’m riding with friends.  But I hate it when a stranger starts talking to me about his/her job, kids, commonly used bus routes, sex life, etc.  I’m a good listener, and I like meeting new people, but I’m not always in the mood for verbal exchange—especially not in the wee hours of the morn.   It’s not so bad if they’re just talking and I’m listening, though.  It’s much worse when they ask me questions about myself.  They want to know where I’m from, what I do, how old I am, etc.  I will not be surprised if someone asks for my soc. one day.

3) The troublemaker

Calm down.  No one is trying to fight you on this bus (or at whatever stop you get off).  Chill out.  I hate when people make threats or act disorderly.  I just shake my head and get ready to press “Call” on my cell phone after having pressed 911 at the cantankerous jobbernowl.

4) The lost person who asks the driver for directions

This one makes me a big hypocrite.  I have been this person before, though only a couple times in my life (when I lived in Chicago this past summer and when I moved to Seattle).  I try to never ask bus drivers for directions.  The reason for this is a combination of pride, fear of the bus driver (I’d say about 30-40% of bus drivers have bad attitudes), a desire to figure things out for myself, and a realization that many bus drivers don’t want to tell me which bus I should take to southwest Seattle if their bus route is headed northeast.  They shouldn’t be expected to memorize every bus route just to tell us pathetic girls lost in the big city how to get to wherever. I sometimes ask people (non-bus drivers), but this is also rare.  That part is pride though.  But anyway, I’ve said all this and now I can finally make my main point about the Lost Person: it doesn’t bother me if the person is on the bus asking for directions, but many times, the person will ask the bus driver a series of questions while contemplating whether or not to get on the bus.  This annoys me when it starts to take a while.  A quick question exchange like, “Hi, do you go to Chinatown?” “No.” “Ok, thanks anyway.”  is fine, but usually the person is standing at the door that’s been opened for him or her and then the convo goes something like this:

Lost Girl (c’mon, it’s usually someone of my gender): Hi, um….. do you go to Chinatown?

Driver: No I don’t.

Lost Girl: Oh ok, well, do you know how I could get there from here?  I have to meet my friend there soon and I have no idea where I’m going.

Driver: Ok well if you take the 16 headed south towards downtown, then get off at blah blah blah blah blah, then transfer to blah blahbitty bleh bleh…

Lost Girl: Ok, well how do I get to 16?

Driver: [exasperated sigh] Head west on Northgate Way…

Lost Girl: West?  So should I turn right or left…?

This continues until eventually either the lost person (who is sometimes a man J) gives up, or the bus driver says, “So, are you getting on the bus, or what?”

Google maps/Google directions exist for a reason.  Avail yourself of these resources.

5) The smelly person

Another example of a person I can’t be mad at.  I mean, they did nothing wrong other than offended my olfactory senses.  I’m not mad at them, but they do make riding the bus unpleasant.  I can only endure the pungent odor of ass/must/alcohol/weed/sweat/vag/feet/White Castle for so long.

Sidenote: I added White Castle to that list not because anyone around me has ever smelled like White Castle, but because I think White Castle burgers smell like something died. 

Anyway, many times it’s not their fault.  I ride the bus with some very disadvantaged groups of people.  But still, I can empathize with them while still wanting to vomit.  If I’m around someone on the bus and I’d rather smell Beyonce’s Heat perfume (which is awful) than eau de passenger, then maybe he/she needs a shower.  We've all had our funky moments though. 

The culprit

~So, readers, there are other colorful characters I’ve encountered over the years, but these are the most common ones who tend to recycle themselves in different variations throughout my Monday-Saturday trips.  Did I miss anything?~

Top Ten Reasons Why I Dislike Oprah (in random order)

Like many women, I love the Oprah Winfrey show.  However, I can’t say that I love the show’s namesake.  Of course, there are things to like about Ms. Winfrey:  Her philanthropy is unrivaled by almost everyone else in the world.  She overcame seemingly insurmountable obstacles in life to become successful. She has a sense of humor (unless people make fun of her).  So I won’t say that I dislike her per se.  It’s more of a love-hate relationship.  But this is my blog, where you came to read my gripes.  No one wants to hear positivity, right?  Right!  So I’ll just make a list of her faults:

1) She puts herself on the cover of every damn issue of Oprah magazine

Oprah launched her eponymous magazine in 2000, and it has been very successful. I’m not quite sure why it sells so well, since it’s one of the most boring publications I’ve ever read (besides Better Homes & Gardens and Hoofcare and Lameness).  But my problem with Oprah and her magazine is not its somniferous articles, but that she’s an egomaniac.  Her magazine only deals with issues that she deems important and interesting (which most of the time they’re not) and every month she puts her own smiling face on the cover.  Even Anna Wintour (who is notorious for narcissism and all-around bitchiness) doesn’t put her own face on the cover of Vogue. 

2) She interrupts guests while they are talking

This has bothered me since I was a little girl and I was old enough to understand rude behavior.  Yes, Oprah, it’s your talk show, but let people speak!  She cuts of everyone mid-sentence—without apology.  (Although I will give her credit the two times she did utter the words “I’m sorry” in 25 years of show business.)

3) She brings up The Color Purple every chance she gets

Oprah, you were in this movie TWENTY-FIVE years ago.  You’re acting like Johnny Drama from Entourage when you relive your glory days on the movie set.  “I remember doing the Color Purple…” “When I did the Color Purple…” or my personal favorite, if she sees anything purple, she will refer to it or describe it as ‘the color purple.’  For example, if a guest is wearing a purple sweater, she is likely to say, “Oh, you’re wearing the color purple.  It’s my favorite color.”  [cue laughter]   #nauseating

 4)  She seems fake

Obviously, this is mere speculation.  I have no idea whether she is really as fake as she seems or not.  But I know that how she embraces her guests makes could make a church hug look like a lap dance.  She greets her guests as though they have a semi-contagious disease.  I don’t expect her to hug everyone like she hugs her BFF Gayle King, but still.  If she can’t hug correctly, she should just shake people’s hands instead.  She looks fake.  And even her sympathy and concern for many people seems fake.  

5) Her School in South Africa

Ok let me start off by saying that I think the school she started in South Africa was wonderful.  I just don’t like the fact that she only started a school there and not here.  I am all for helping kids abroad.  The poorest kids in America are still usually better off than poor kids across the world.  But what about taking your net worth of over a billion dollars and starting multiple schools?  Another problem I had was that it was called the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls (again with her putting her name on something).  Why was the school only for girls?  Why not for boys too?  She basically said “fuck you” to South African young men and their parents.  And why are there only about 300 students if it’s grades 7-12?  It’s a very extensive application and interview process, and many girls are turned away.  Why so selective if you want to give people an opportunity to learn?  She’s done a lot for the world, but she’s not doing enough.  Rich people usually don't do enough.  Why doesn’t she sell one of her houses and do something with it?

6) She promotes Tyler Perry films. 

I'm Tyler Perry and I have no soul

I don’t think this one requires any additional explanation.

7) She has developed a cult following, and her followers worship her.  I once read that “Oprah doesn’t have fans, she has disciples.”  ß(btw, I wish this was an original quote of mine.)  To be fair, this isn’t her fault.  People are lost in this world, and many are looking for something (or someone) to believe in, and Oprah is the infallible, omnipotent, omniscient deity of their choice. They are like sheep. They follow the gospel of Oprah on what to eat, who and how to date, what to buy, and what to read.  Any book she selects for her Book Club is an instant bestseller.  She is neither an author nor a literary critic, yet Oprah speaks and millions read.  As much as I love reading, I don’t appreciate how a book is “good” just because it has her (literal) stamp of approval.

8)  The way she “sings” along when musical guests are on the show.  I have no problem with singing along.  I’ve been known to belt out a Pat Benatar song in the car.  But Oprah does it totally for the camera.  She gets really into it when the camera is pointed right at her, and she’ll even pretend like she knows the lyrics (which relates to what I said before about her being fake).  Oprah, no one cares whether or not you know the words.  You don’t have to put on a front.  You look stupid. 

9)  She feels the need to remind us who her friends are.  Everytime she introduces certain celebrities, she puts special emphasis on the words, “My friend” or “My dear friend.” She does this most often with Julia Roberts and John Travolta.  She can’t just say their names.  And she can’t just say to the audience “my friend” in a regular voice.  She has to invoke her special status as _______’s friend.  Funny enough, it seems like Julia Roberts isn’t as huge a fan of Oprah as Oprah is of her.   

10) And most of all, I can’t stand The noise Oprah makes when she’s introducing a guest on the show.  (See below:)

Honorable mentions of more stuff I hate about Oprah Winfrey include: a) how she injected herself into the Obama campaign without anyone asking her to do so, b) how she feels the need to throw in random ghetto-isms when speaking so as to maintain her “homegirl” status.  It’s like she thinks that we would forget that she’s black unless she proves her authenticity by saying “Giiiiirrrrrl” or “Y’all.”  c) How she speaks with an aura that screams “I’m the shit.”  And I’m not saying that because she’s articulate.  The President is articulate also, but he doesn’t speak like he’s conceited.  Oprah on the other hand, does.  Listen to her give a speech.  You will want to throw at least one tomato at her so she can come down off her pedestal.   

Self-Identified Snob, Part Deux

 This is a follow-up to yesterday’s post.  Like I said, I don’t expect people to know certain obscure facts.  They don’t have to be the next Ken Jennings, but seriously, did you not pay ANY attention in grade school?  Sadly, the United States is not ranked very high in terms of education (and let’s not get started where we rank in healthcare.  That’s another story).

Anyway, I’m going to repeat this yet again.  It is my belief that people should know certain things.  I don’t care if they’re from “urban” (which nowadays is code for minority) environments.  Pick up a damn book.  Oh, and I’m from Detroit, in case you’re new to this here blog.

Please, for your sake, as well as for my own sanity, know these things.  Failure to do so will result in people with smarter-than-thou attitudes (people like me) judging you.  Or biting our thumbs at you.:

1) Basic grammar rules.  I will say this again:  YOU’RE and YOUR are not the same thing and are not interchangeable.  YOU’RE  is what’s called a contraction.  It’s a way of shortening YOU ARE.  YOUR shows possession. 

So read this:  YOU’RE  making YOURself look like an idiot.  YOUR ≠ YOU’RE

So if you are now thinking, “Well geez Danielle, YOUR being a real bitch about this stuff!” then this thought is incorrect. Not because I’m not being a bitch right now (I know I am) but because the correct way to say it would be, “Well geez Danielle, YOU’RE being a real bitch about this stuff!”  This is not the first time I have said this, and it certainly won’t be my last.

Yes, I know.  Here’s my grammar Nazism.  I don’t care if you can identify the subjunctive present future adverb participle mumbo jumbo bullshit.  No one cares about identifying parts of speech.  I majored in English and I could give two fucks about it.  But can you write a sentence that makes sense?  I’m not just talking about the your/you’re problem that seems to stump the stupid time and time again.  Go to any message board on any website.  You’d be amazed (or maybe not) at how poorly people construct sentences (if and when they actually count as sentences). I’m taking about a complete sentence here, people.  It’s not rocket science, it’s ENGLISH!   If you get stuck, read this.

Read: not that hard.

2) Basic geography.  If you’ve ever watched the Jay Leno show when he does Jaywalking, you’d be appalled at the girl who once said that Paris was in London. Not France, not even Great Britain, but she said that Paris was located inside another city, which is also conveniently located in a different country.  Shame on you.  Sadly, she is not alone.  I don’t expect people to know that Zagreb is the capital of Croatia, but please know that there are fifty states, not fifty-one, and not forty-eight (I’ve heard both responses offered up in earnest).

3) Basic government.  Yeah, you might not know that today’s Tea Party movement is thusly named as tribute to the historic Boston Tea Party, but you should know at least some things about candidates you are voting for (there will be a full post on this later).  Don’t vote for people for dumb reasons (i.e., voting for Obama just because he’s black).  Educate yourself.  Many people had no clue about who Joe Biden was (but had already committed to voting for Pres. Obama) and for the longest, one person I talked to didn’t know who Sarah Palin was.  (Coincidentally, they lived at this address: Under A Rock).  This isn’t even about stupidity.  This is willed ignorance.

4) Basic math.  Sure, we have calculators to solve all those pesky little math problems for us, but why rely on them if you can do mental math in your head?  Now, my brother, boyfriend and I can do a lot of stuff quickly in our heads without pen and paper, like percentages, or algebra, multiple-digit multiplication/subtraction (ex: 45×37 or  65934÷ 72).  I don’t expect this from people.  I do, however, expect you to know how much you’ll save if the sale is 10% off.  Hey, here’s a hint: Just move the decimal place over one!  And if I ever hear someone ask me, “Hey what’s 4+7?” or another question like that, (unless you’re not one of my students) I will scream.

5) Basic science.  Science is my worst subject.  I’m not bad at it, but I really shine in other subjects.  My science work has always been good, though not exceptional, though I almost always got an A anyway.  But still, I know that there are some things that you should know.  One example is that the earth revolves around the sun.  If you look at data and polls, however, many still Americans think that it’s the other way around.  An exotic hadron is never going to be on the test, unless you’re a physicist.  But the solar system is common sense.

6) As for the arts, I don’t expect anyone to know anything about them. It’s a bonus, but I won’t think you’re stupid if you don’t know who Anna Pavlova or Mikhail Baryshnikov are or you don’t know that the song for the “Beef.  It’s what’s for dinner,” commercials is Aaron Copland’s, “Hoedown” or if you can’t name Edvard Munch’s painting “The Scream” on sight.  (His face is the external representation of what I feel often, so I know that painting well.)  It's fine if you give me a big fat "Fuck you" if I start speaking another language that you don't understand.  This is where I give people a pass.  But it would be nice if more people knew that there is so much more to culture than what’s on television.

Confession: I’m an Intellectual Snob

            I pride myself on being one of the most kind people you will ever meet.  I am constantly told, “You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.”  I came in second place for Class Nice in high school (I ended up winning Class Sophisticated).  So overall, judging by positive feedback, along with my own self-assessment against some abstract rubric of kindness, I’d say I’m a pretty generous, friendly kinda gal. 

....But I’m still a snob.

I'm not a snob in that traditional, superficial sort of way where a chick is on some sort of high horse because she's wealthy  or has the perfect ass-to-waist ratio.  I mean in terms of being informed.  While it may be more “acceptable” for me to judge others in terms of knowledge (or lack thereof) than on their personal style or income, it still makes me an asshole.  If you know me well, you’ll know that I frequently practice introspection, so I stay up-to-date on what I need to work on for self-improvement.  However, knowing that I need to abdicate my throne of (perceived) intellectual superiority does not make it any easier for me.

 Since I was young I always craved knowledge; I was an inquisitive youth, asking questions about anything and everything.  I wanted to learn as much as R. Kelly wanted that young poon.  To this day I remain a voracious reader, devouring page after page of text, reading encyclopedias, almanacs, and plenty of  lengthy tomes for fun, checking out extra textbooks at the library for what my brother calls my “extracurricular learning,” watching Jeopardy (and not just to watch Alex Trebek in all his geriatric hotness).  But not only have I always wanted more knowledge  (much like Marlowe’s Faustus) but I have wanted someone to share that with.  I don’t mean in a romantic kind of way; I just mean someone who is as nerdy as I am (and preferably able to suppress and eschew the lameness* that comes with being this voluntarily erudite) 

*sidenote: by ‘lame’ I mean its colloquial definition of ‘uncool’ and not the literal/archaic definition of ‘lame,’ which means crippled or physically disabled).  See how much of a nerd I am? 


I really don’t know why I trip about this, but I do.  I mean, I’m not a total grammar/math/literature/history/pop culture/music/art/etc. Nazi.  (Though after this post, I admitted that I’m probably a part of the Grammar S.S.). 

 But seriously. I know that some people aren’t big on autodidacticism, and thus aren’t going to understand when I compare Kierkegaard to Kant, or if I mention the sfumato technique in a da Vinci painting, or discuss the Magna Carta, or the Riemann hypothesis in mathematics, or the religious beliefs of Cathar Dualists, or if I hum a song by Yo-Yo Ma (who, though his name might suggest, is not a rap artist), joke that Jocasta (in mythology, not the comic) was the first M.I.L.F., or in pop culture, point out Katy Perry’s striking resemblance to Zooey Deschanel. I get that.  It’s not like I can’t carry on a regular conversation at the dinner table.  I’m not expecting someone to know all this stuff, and it’s not like I bring it up in daily conversation.  That would be pretentious and pushing the boundaries of rude, boorish behavior.  And it’s not that I think I’m better than them per se, but it’s very frustrating when I have to modify many conversations I have, unless I’m speaking to my father, brother, or a college professor (and since I graduated I can’t speak with profs anymore).  I’m surrounded by intelligent people; my mom, my boyfriend, and (some of) my friends.  It’s not like everyone around me is an idiot.  But there is a certain fulfillment that I yearn for; a veritable cavity of intellectualism that needs to be filled but is oft left void. 

           So yeah, I’m weird.  I’d like to reiterate this point: I’m not saying that people can only send me text messages if they include a quote from Ovid.  [And only in the Original Latin, of course.] But I still maintain that there are some things that people should know, especially if they are college educated.  And most people don’t seem to know these things, even if they have a B.A.  So bottom line: I have accepted that I will probably only be around language/culture geeks sporadically, and will therefore only have mental orgasms every once in a while.  But I have not accepted that even a basic awareness of certain facts seems to elude many people.  Like I said, I’m surrounded by smart people, but sometimes I’m not, so I’m often left having to talk about generic topics like Facebook, Gucci Mane (whose music is a disease) or Vodka. 

See?  I told you when it comes to this, I’m an asshole.

A Tea Partier does not a racist make

Like my recent post, I’m going to be talking about politics again.  I guess I’m in the mood for polemics.  Anyway, I’m getting really sick of this whole “All Tea Partiers are racist!  ALL OF THEM!!” meme that many liberals have adopted.  It’s not only untrue, but the assertion is lazy as hell.  It allows blacks and liberals (who are often one in the same) to dismiss them and everything they stand for; no questions asked.  I’m not saying that there are no racist Tea Partiers.  Hell, I’ll even admit that there are probably way more racist conservatives than there are liberals.  But it’s silly to automatically label a person as a bigot simply because they don’t like the President.  Even before the Tea Party Movement, anyone who didn’t vote for Barack Obama in the 2008 election was basically labeled as a white supremacist from then on—and that’s not fair.

Conveniently, people seem to have forgotten that hating a current (or former) president doesn’t make you a racist.  It makes you American. It's normal to be hated when you're the most powerful man in the world. Think of how many people didn’t like George W. Bush.  A shitload of people (across the racial spectrum, I might add) absolutely loathed Dubya.  I'm not defending the guy, but the media vilified him (though many cartoons and writings were hilarious.  Just google george bush cartoon.)  

A little good-natured humor...

Ok...getting worse.....

Ok, now they compare him to a primate..... (Keep in mind that anyone who does this to Obama is a 'racist')

And now President Bush is compared to Adolf Hitler, the worst human being who ever lived other than Flavor Flav.

     Listen, this world is full of prejudice and oppression.  Indeed, the maltreatment of other cultures is pervasive and is a hallmark of American life.  But not every white person, nor every Republican, nor every member of the Tea Party is walking around with a swastika tattoo.  It's stupid when I hear people say (and I hear this a lot) that everyone against Obama is just racist.  They're just mad because "Somebody brown is in the White House."  Whatever.  Maybe they're mad because the country's in debt.  Maybe they don't like his healthcare initiative.  Maybe they didn't like how he voted on the Born-Alive Infants Protection Act (I sure as hell didn't).  My people are always the quickest ones to jump to the 'you're racist!' conclusion without any facts--not just with the President but with anything and anyone else.  Just shut up already, sheesh.

              

                                  

Really, Michelle? Is that the best you could come up with?

Michelle Obama, 'wow-ing' us with her athleticism (while wasting government money)

Almost two years have passed since the historic presidential election.  And after all this time, I still don’t understand the motivation behind Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move campaign.  Obviously, I understand it on a logical level. Let’s assume that her decision is based off the following premises and conclusion:

            

          P₁:  As the First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama has a duty to champion the most worthy cause

            

          P₂: Combating childhood obesity is the most worthy cause  

           

therefore,

           

         

          C: As the First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama has a duty to combat childhood obesity

Ralph Wiggum, a prime target for Michelle Obama'e Let's Move Campaign

 With degrees from Princeton and Harvard, why can’t she see how stupid this campaign is?  I don’t mean to minimize the obesity epidemic in this country (though this post would suggest otherwise) but c’mon, son!  In comparison to things like our failing education system, homelessness, sexual predators, child trafficking, HIV/AIDS, etc., “how fat are our children?” is pretty puerile.  I mean seriously, are twinkies really the problem?  And not only is this stupid, but I’d be willing to bet money that it’s not going to be effective.  Sure, she invites some kids out once and a while on the White House lawn to do outside activities, but that’s only a small subset of the population.  The rest are not listening to her, because no one really cares.  The people who eat junk are going to continue to eat junk, and the parents who give their children junk will likewise carry on in the same manner.  Studying nutrition facts and calorie intake are not priorities when you’re a single mother working a minimum-wage job.  Oh, and not to mention you might not be able to understand the information on the food labels anyway if you are illiterate or can’t do math.  And why is she just trying to get healthier food?  How about we feed everyone in the country, and then we can focus on making it healthy.  She wants to trade the food we already have for healthier food, which is fine.  But what I'm saying is, if you want to focus on food, why not feed all the starving people?  And exercise?  Yeah, don't let your kids stay inside all day; make them go play outside.  Oh wait, I forgot.  It's 2010, and not safe for most kids to go play outside anymore.  Why don't you work on that, Michelle?  You're wasting time.   And this obsession with making people thin is getting out of hand.  Just ask Lincoln University.

This isn't as important as cellulite, apparently

The First Lady really disappointed me with this bullshit campaign, that cares more about a child’s BMI than his or her I.Q.  I was never a fan of hers anyway, so it’s not as though she shattered some idealized image I’d had (Michael Richards took care of that for me).  I’m not saying that she can’t care about childhood obesity.  It’s a problem that kids are increasingly more vulnerable to diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, and the like.  I’m just saying that there are more important issues on the table, and more realistic goals.  There are things that take precedence over broccoli. People already know that exercise is good for them, that fruits and veggies are healthier than a bag o’ Funyuns®.  Does the First Lady really need to spend $1 billion to “educate” people on healthy eating, as if they don’t already know?   

Ode to the Omnivorous

  

      I always try to check myself; stay grounded.  I realized recently that I’d been a bit lax on this duty when it comes to my fellow citizens of the vegetarian and vegan variety.  I’d make occasional jokes, from using the term “tree-hugger” to making snide remarks about Birkenstock-clad, granola eating, tofu-loving folks listening to solar-powered iPods.  I knew that I meant no harm by these jokes; that my references to PETA and its ilk were light-hearted in nature; that when I called them “hirsute hippies” was nothing more than an alliterative term of endearment.  But then I thought about it, and I realized that I had been operating with unfair bias towards this group, and that the things I was saying were offensive. I'd do the whole corny "PETA: People for the Eating of Tasty Animals" thing, or the hackneyed "For every animal you don't eat, I'm going to eat three" and I'd share a guffaw or two with sensible people meat eaters over something that isn't really that funny.  There’s a time and place for joking; I don’t necessarily get offended every time someone tells a joke about black people, for example.  Or women.  But just because I have a good sense of humor doesn’t mean I should insult vegans.  Now, when I joke about vegans, I’m not joking about respectful, non-judgmental, “normal” vegans.  I’m talking about those people of the self-righteous, every-one-who-eats-meat-deserves-a-slow-and-agonizingly-painful-death variety. They really get on my nerves.  Watching PETA harass and harangue people is not my favorite pastime.  But still, I should make more of an effort not to laugh at their expense.  It’s just not nice, after all.

     Will I ever join the dark side (veganism)?  Never.  Will I ever comprehend how many of them, like renowned Professor Gary L. Francione, in his latest book Animals as Persons, believe that animals should be treated the exact same way as human beings, but yet people like him find it absurd that I think a fetus should have rights?  Never.  Will I ever understand why some of the extremists feel that it is acceptable to throw paint on people who are wearing fur?  Hell no.  (Although I also think that wearing fur is wrong).  It seems the only thing we agree on is that animals should not be tortured (though the term ‘torture’ can be subjective insofar as animals are concerned)—there’s some cruel shit going on nowadays as far as how animals are being raised before they reach the grocery stores. (don’t believe me?  Watch the documentary Food, Inc., which can be viewed illegally entirely on youtube).  So we may not agree on much (e.g., was Michael Vick’s jail sentence unreasonable?) but even crazy vegans deserve my respect, and that is something that I have not been offering them as much as I should.  I can spurn their radical ideas without mocking them in turn, even that lady who first glared at me for shooing a bee when it got near my food, and then proceeded to give an unsolicited mini-lecture to the entire table on how people should respect all living things.

     Yes, you read that correctly.  She got indignant over an insect.  There was a bee.  It flew near my food & beverage (and therefore me).    I raised my hand and briefly moved it back and forth in the direction of the bee to prevent it from getting in our drinks, on our plates, and to prevent it from putting its arse on me and using its stinger.  The pettifogger stopped her conversation mid-sentence to glare at me, and then when someone asked her about it, she went into some bullshit about how I could have hurt that poor bee by swatting at it; how I need to just leave it alone;  how every creature of the earth, big or small, is special (reminder: I didn’t kill the bee; I only tried to get it to fly away).  I apologized to her, respectfully, but inside I was confused at her overreaction and ire towards me.  And frankly, I didn't appreciate how she handled that situation by making me a spectacle at the conference table, where no doubt she and the rest of the radical liberal establishment seated next to me gleefully celebrated my being made an example of.  But, even that woman doesn't deserve to be made fun of except on this blog.  Seriously, I need to be more considerate of those who differ from me.  As tolerant as I am of different religions, races, genders, sexual orientations, gender identity, etc. I have a certain unmerited disdain for self-righteous vegans.  And tourists, but I'll post about that at a later date.    Is it because they're self-righteous?  Yeah, that's part of it.  I don't like self-righteous, supercilious people period, even in groups of which I am a part: examples include Christians, pro-life people, people who volunteer, non-smokers, etc.  But specifically, vegans and vegetarians of this sort really gets underneath my skin.

Her world, where bees are jolly and laughing, their gaiety rivaled only by their musical buzzing

My world, where bees who threaten my sense of well-being are killed and then eaten by ants

      Now, will I continue to eat meat?  And love it forever?  Of course.  I am an omnivore, though more carni than omni.  In a recent conversation that I had with one of my vegetarian friends, I stated (truthfully) that I have never gone more than 24 hours without eating meat.  Ok, perhaps I did when I was little; there might (emphasis on the word 'might') have been a time where I had fallen ill and went a few days on only toast and ginger-ale (one of Mom's ol' remedies). But seriously, I cannot remember going more than 24 hours without consuming some sort of meat product, and I would rather listen to the tunes of Milli Vanilli until the apocalypse than become a vegan (or shoot myself; whichever is worse).  But the point of this post is, there are ways for us to live in harmony, except at a barbecue.

In case it's too blurry, the caption reads "Animals have the right to be tasty."