Self-Identified Snob, Part Deux

 This is a follow-up to yesterday’s post.  Like I said, I don’t expect people to know certain obscure facts.  They don’t have to be the next Ken Jennings, but seriously, did you not pay ANY attention in grade school?  Sadly, the United States is not ranked very high in terms of education (and let’s not get started where we rank in healthcare.  That’s another story).

Anyway, I’m going to repeat this yet again.  It is my belief that people should know certain things.  I don’t care if they’re from “urban” (which nowadays is code for minority) environments.  Pick up a damn book.  Oh, and I’m from Detroit, in case you’re new to this here blog.

Please, for your sake, as well as for my own sanity, know these things.  Failure to do so will result in people with smarter-than-thou attitudes (people like me) judging you.  Or biting our thumbs at you.:

1) Basic grammar rules.  I will say this again:  YOU’RE and YOUR are not the same thing and are not interchangeable.  YOU’RE  is what’s called a contraction.  It’s a way of shortening YOU ARE.  YOUR shows possession. 

So read this:  YOU’RE  making YOURself look like an idiot.  YOUR ≠ YOU’RE

So if you are now thinking, “Well geez Danielle, YOUR being a real bitch about this stuff!” then this thought is incorrect. Not because I’m not being a bitch right now (I know I am) but because the correct way to say it would be, “Well geez Danielle, YOU’RE being a real bitch about this stuff!”  This is not the first time I have said this, and it certainly won’t be my last.

Yes, I know.  Here’s my grammar Nazism.  I don’t care if you can identify the subjunctive present future adverb participle mumbo jumbo bullshit.  No one cares about identifying parts of speech.  I majored in English and I could give two fucks about it.  But can you write a sentence that makes sense?  I’m not just talking about the your/you’re problem that seems to stump the stupid time and time again.  Go to any message board on any website.  You’d be amazed (or maybe not) at how poorly people construct sentences (if and when they actually count as sentences). I’m taking about a complete sentence here, people.  It’s not rocket science, it’s ENGLISH!   If you get stuck, read this.

Read: not that hard.

2) Basic geography.  If you’ve ever watched the Jay Leno show when he does Jaywalking, you’d be appalled at the girl who once said that Paris was in London. Not France, not even Great Britain, but she said that Paris was located inside another city, which is also conveniently located in a different country.  Shame on you.  Sadly, she is not alone.  I don’t expect people to know that Zagreb is the capital of Croatia, but please know that there are fifty states, not fifty-one, and not forty-eight (I’ve heard both responses offered up in earnest).

3) Basic government.  Yeah, you might not know that today’s Tea Party movement is thusly named as tribute to the historic Boston Tea Party, but you should know at least some things about candidates you are voting for (there will be a full post on this later).  Don’t vote for people for dumb reasons (i.e., voting for Obama just because he’s black).  Educate yourself.  Many people had no clue about who Joe Biden was (but had already committed to voting for Pres. Obama) and for the longest, one person I talked to didn’t know who Sarah Palin was.  (Coincidentally, they lived at this address: Under A Rock).  This isn’t even about stupidity.  This is willed ignorance.

4) Basic math.  Sure, we have calculators to solve all those pesky little math problems for us, but why rely on them if you can do mental math in your head?  Now, my brother, boyfriend and I can do a lot of stuff quickly in our heads without pen and paper, like percentages, or algebra, multiple-digit multiplication/subtraction (ex: 45×37 or  65934÷ 72).  I don’t expect this from people.  I do, however, expect you to know how much you’ll save if the sale is 10% off.  Hey, here’s a hint: Just move the decimal place over one!  And if I ever hear someone ask me, “Hey what’s 4+7?” or another question like that, (unless you’re not one of my students) I will scream.

5) Basic science.  Science is my worst subject.  I’m not bad at it, but I really shine in other subjects.  My science work has always been good, though not exceptional, though I almost always got an A anyway.  But still, I know that there are some things that you should know.  One example is that the earth revolves around the sun.  If you look at data and polls, however, many still Americans think that it’s the other way around.  An exotic hadron is never going to be on the test, unless you’re a physicist.  But the solar system is common sense.

6) As for the arts, I don’t expect anyone to know anything about them. It’s a bonus, but I won’t think you’re stupid if you don’t know who Anna Pavlova or Mikhail Baryshnikov are or you don’t know that the song for the “Beef.  It’s what’s for dinner,” commercials is Aaron Copland’s, “Hoedown” or if you can’t name Edvard Munch’s painting “The Scream” on sight.  (His face is the external representation of what I feel often, so I know that painting well.)  It's fine if you give me a big fat "Fuck you" if I start speaking another language that you don't understand.  This is where I give people a pass.  But it would be nice if more people knew that there is so much more to culture than what’s on television.