Top Ten Reasons Why I Dislike Oprah (in random order)

Like many women, I love the Oprah Winfrey show.  However, I can’t say that I love the show’s namesake.  Of course, there are things to like about Ms. Winfrey:  Her philanthropy is unrivaled by almost everyone else in the world.  She overcame seemingly insurmountable obstacles in life to become successful. She has a sense of humor (unless people make fun of her).  So I won’t say that I dislike her per se.  It’s more of a love-hate relationship.  But this is my blog, where you came to read my gripes.  No one wants to hear positivity, right?  Right!  So I’ll just make a list of her faults:

1) She puts herself on the cover of every damn issue of Oprah magazine

Oprah launched her eponymous magazine in 2000, and it has been very successful. I’m not quite sure why it sells so well, since it’s one of the most boring publications I’ve ever read (besides Better Homes & Gardens and Hoofcare and Lameness).  But my problem with Oprah and her magazine is not its somniferous articles, but that she’s an egomaniac.  Her magazine only deals with issues that she deems important and interesting (which most of the time they’re not) and every month she puts her own smiling face on the cover.  Even Anna Wintour (who is notorious for narcissism and all-around bitchiness) doesn’t put her own face on the cover of Vogue. 

2) She interrupts guests while they are talking

This has bothered me since I was a little girl and I was old enough to understand rude behavior.  Yes, Oprah, it’s your talk show, but let people speak!  She cuts of everyone mid-sentence—without apology.  (Although I will give her credit the two times she did utter the words “I’m sorry” in 25 years of show business.)

3) She brings up The Color Purple every chance she gets

Oprah, you were in this movie TWENTY-FIVE years ago.  You’re acting like Johnny Drama from Entourage when you relive your glory days on the movie set.  “I remember doing the Color Purple…” “When I did the Color Purple…” or my personal favorite, if she sees anything purple, she will refer to it or describe it as ‘the color purple.’  For example, if a guest is wearing a purple sweater, she is likely to say, “Oh, you’re wearing the color purple.  It’s my favorite color.”  [cue laughter]   #nauseating

 4)  She seems fake

Obviously, this is mere speculation.  I have no idea whether she is really as fake as she seems or not.  But I know that how she embraces her guests makes could make a church hug look like a lap dance.  She greets her guests as though they have a semi-contagious disease.  I don’t expect her to hug everyone like she hugs her BFF Gayle King, but still.  If she can’t hug correctly, she should just shake people’s hands instead.  She looks fake.  And even her sympathy and concern for many people seems fake.  

5) Her School in South Africa

Ok let me start off by saying that I think the school she started in South Africa was wonderful.  I just don’t like the fact that she only started a school there and not here.  I am all for helping kids abroad.  The poorest kids in America are still usually better off than poor kids across the world.  But what about taking your net worth of over a billion dollars and starting multiple schools?  Another problem I had was that it was called the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls (again with her putting her name on something).  Why was the school only for girls?  Why not for boys too?  She basically said “fuck you” to South African young men and their parents.  And why are there only about 300 students if it’s grades 7-12?  It’s a very extensive application and interview process, and many girls are turned away.  Why so selective if you want to give people an opportunity to learn?  She’s done a lot for the world, but she’s not doing enough.  Rich people usually don't do enough.  Why doesn’t she sell one of her houses and do something with it?

6) She promotes Tyler Perry films. 

I'm Tyler Perry and I have no soul

I don’t think this one requires any additional explanation.

7) She has developed a cult following, and her followers worship her.  I once read that “Oprah doesn’t have fans, she has disciples.”  ß(btw, I wish this was an original quote of mine.)  To be fair, this isn’t her fault.  People are lost in this world, and many are looking for something (or someone) to believe in, and Oprah is the infallible, omnipotent, omniscient deity of their choice. They are like sheep. They follow the gospel of Oprah on what to eat, who and how to date, what to buy, and what to read.  Any book she selects for her Book Club is an instant bestseller.  She is neither an author nor a literary critic, yet Oprah speaks and millions read.  As much as I love reading, I don’t appreciate how a book is “good” just because it has her (literal) stamp of approval.

8)  The way she “sings” along when musical guests are on the show.  I have no problem with singing along.  I’ve been known to belt out a Pat Benatar song in the car.  But Oprah does it totally for the camera.  She gets really into it when the camera is pointed right at her, and she’ll even pretend like she knows the lyrics (which relates to what I said before about her being fake).  Oprah, no one cares whether or not you know the words.  You don’t have to put on a front.  You look stupid. 

9)  She feels the need to remind us who her friends are.  Everytime she introduces certain celebrities, she puts special emphasis on the words, “My friend” or “My dear friend.” She does this most often with Julia Roberts and John Travolta.  She can’t just say their names.  And she can’t just say to the audience “my friend” in a regular voice.  She has to invoke her special status as _______’s friend.  Funny enough, it seems like Julia Roberts isn’t as huge a fan of Oprah as Oprah is of her.   

10) And most of all, I can’t stand The noise Oprah makes when she’s introducing a guest on the show.  (See below:)

Honorable mentions of more stuff I hate about Oprah Winfrey include: a) how she injected herself into the Obama campaign without anyone asking her to do so, b) how she feels the need to throw in random ghetto-isms when speaking so as to maintain her “homegirl” status.  It’s like she thinks that we would forget that she’s black unless she proves her authenticity by saying “Giiiiirrrrrl” or “Y’all.”  c) How she speaks with an aura that screams “I’m the shit.”  And I’m not saying that because she’s articulate.  The President is articulate also, but he doesn’t speak like he’s conceited.  Oprah on the other hand, does.  Listen to her give a speech.  You will want to throw at least one tomato at her so she can come down off her pedestal.