Music Monday

"Birds and Bees" by Govi.

Note: I don't post these youtube clips for the videos...I post 'em for the songs.

Music Monday

"Intro", by The xx

Music Monday

Grizzly Bear--"Shift" (Alternate version)

Featured on the Blue Valentine soundtrack.  There's just something hauntingly beautiful about this song. Some of the harmonies remind me of Simon and Garfunkel too.

Music Monday

Kate Havnevik, "You Again"

Music Monday

"Makeda" by Les Nubians 

Music Monday

"Hawaii" by Meiko

Music Monday

Evil Needle, "Moodolude 03"


I like just about every song this guy has ever made.

Random

I've been watching The Walking Dead on Netflix as of late.  Really good show.  But it's just interesting to me how, after the world has gone to shit from a zombie apocalypse, all of the women seem to find time to get their eyebrows arched.  I don't know, maybe the beauty salon isn't overrun with undead flesh-eaters.  I know it's television, but still.  Be consistent.  The directors thought enough to make them look disheveled, to have their hair not perfectly coiffed, to smudge some dirt on their faces and grime underneath their fingernails.  But oh, it's too much of a stretch to have them grow their eyebrows out, I guess.

Egocentric much?

If you have a band, don't name it after yourself.  That sucks--even if the other band members agree to it.  Even if you have a cool last name like Jon Bon Jovi (originally Bongiovi) or Eddie Van Halen, that doesn't mean you can just ndirectly designate yourself the most important member by naming the entire group after you.  What about the other guys?  At least Gladys Knight sings in a group called "Gladys Knight & the Pips"  and not just "Gladys Knight."

There are more offenders, but these groups come to mind right now:

Dave Matthews Band
Pat Metheny Group
Bon Jovi
Ben Folds Five
The Alan Parsons Project
Van Halen
Sade (before she became a solo artist, the band Sade started out with was called "Sade")

Get over yourself, and re-name the band.  Rock bands have some of the most ridiculous names I've ever heard of and no one cares, so there is no excuse for naming the band after a person if you could name it something like Smashing Pumpkins, Maroon 5, Porno for Pyros, Archers of Loaf, Crispy Ambulance, or Hoobastank (all real band name).  Even good bands sometimes have dumb names (the aforementioned Smashing Pumpkins come to mind, and also The Goo Goo Dolls, Death Cab for Cutie, etc.) There are plenty more stupid band names out there waiting to be claimed.

Music Monday

"Silvia" by Miike Snow

late music

Just started a new job this week so I forgot to post a Music Monday.  Here ya go:

Lazybatusu--"Endless Road"

These are crack.

I eat as many packs of these as are placed in front of me.  I cannot stop.
And I'm totally ok with that.

Music Monday

"Until We Bleed" by Andreas Kleerup feat. Lykke Li.

Captain Obvious

Once in a while, when I'm seated and introduced to someone, I hear this as soon as I stand up:

"DAMN YOU'RE TALL!"

Oh, really?  I hadn't realized even once during my twenty-five years of existence that I was taller than the average woman. Thank you for pointing that out to me.  What a revelation! I've only been reminded of my height about a hundred times since fifth grade; I guess it took one hundred and one times for me to fully grasp the concept.  I appreciate you for pointing out to me that I'm an anomaly. How wonderful it is that I have someone to remind me of how I used to feel like an outsider as a kid and why I still don't wear heels very often!

I know they don't mean it as an insult, but some things just don't need to be said.  Like, what purpose does that serve?  Shut your fucking mouth.  Or maybe I should just start replying, "Damn you're rude!"  but I'm such a nice girl (in real life, not on this blog) so I just smile and ignore it.  Hey, at least it's not as bad as the time some guy told me how flat my tits looked in my new shirt.  Think it was a pimply-faced middle school boy who said that in a cafeteria for a bunch of laughs?  Nope.  That I could understand. No, a guy said this when we were in college, at a bar. And he wasn't saying it to be mean.  He just made an observation and just felt the need to verbalize it.  I'd almost rather he'd said it out of malice, because at least his comment would have had a purpose.

I need this t-shirt

Bottom line, don't let me know:

• that I'm tall
• that I'm slim
• that I have small tits
• that my ass isn't big either
• if I'm having a bad hair day
• if I have a zit on my face
• if I look "tired"--a polite way of saying you look like shit/you need to put on makeup

Chances are, I've already looked in the mirror and I already know what's going on up there.  Don't be an idiot. Think of something better to mention.

Swoon

I love this part:



What woman doesn't want to experience this?
"I'm looking at you, Miss."  Aaaahhhhhhhh



The Last of the Mohicans (1992)

Thank you. Yes.

We're all guilty of having used at least one of these fallacies at least once in our lives, but it's just something good to keep in mind in our communication with others, verbal or written.  The Argument from Ignorance the one I've used the most, all in arguments for the existence of God and His miracles.  It's difficult for most theists, I suspect, to not use this argument.

Music Monday

It's been a long time since I posed a song for Music Monday.  I used to do it every week, then got really busy. Plus, it's not easy to select a tune every week.  You'd think that since I have thousands of songs on my computer, it would be a piece of cake.  Quite the contrary.  That makes me take longer to pick a track.


Anyway, here's today's song.  My only complaint is that it's too short. I often fall in love with songs and then get pissed when they are any shorter than three minutes (in this case, it's shorter than TWO minutes. Bummer) :

"Never Follow Suit" by The Radio Dept

The Radio Dept. is a really good band from Sweden.  Those Swedes make good music.  Icelanders do too.  I've noticed that most of my favorite artists come from either Sweden or Iceland.

Why I Can Never Run for Office

Even if I wanted to become an elected official and assume all of the responsibilities of the job and all of the media scrutiny (whether local or national), no campaign of mine would ever be successful.  The summer after my sophomore year, I threw any hopes of being mayor, governor, senator, or president out the window. The best I can hope for is to be in the PTA at my future kid's school.  I'll list my reasons below:

1) I'm WAY too sensitive.  I'd probably kill myself if I were in the limelight like that.

2) Pictures sent to The Boyfriend (who will henceforth be referred to as The Husband, 'cause we got hitched) in the summer of 2010.  Not birthday suit but provocative enough to cost me a few million votes.

3) I've seen not one, not two, but three therapists in my life.  I'm not sure if America is ready for someone they might suspect is "mentally unstable." 

4) This blog.  I don't think you need me to elaborate.  And even if I deleted it, there is no true deletion on the web.  What you put out here remains forever.

5) I fucking swear too motherfucking much.

6) Three tattoos (and counting).  Body modification makes the public uneasy; a person who would get inked is obviously untrustworthy, right?  Never mind my good character and my fidelity to spouse and constituents (more than I can say for a lot of politicians).

7) Thirteen piercings (done with holes in my body, but anything more than two is gonna be a media frenzy)

8) When I was a teenager, I was in the newspaper talking about abstinence until marriage but I didn't quite make it 'till marriage.  I was in my '20s and I lost it to The Boyfriend (now The Husband) but I failed to reach that goal, despite my willpower.  Let's just put it this way, as the old (and annoying) saying goes, "The press would have a field day!"  They'd be calling me a hypocrite, when in fact I was just a girl in love who made a mistake.

9) Browsing history on my iPad..............laptop's clean though

10) I'm politically moderate and therefore not extreme enough for either major party.  I advocate bipartisanship and, in an increasingly polarized country, this would not score me any bonus points.  Blacks especially must prove ourselves to be hardcore liberals or else we're traitors to our race who long for the antebellum south

11) I wouldn't want to put my family through any unnecessary hardship (again, the press can be a bitch.  Also, having a bodyguard would really suck if I were in a higher level of politics).

12) I'm only 25 years old, and likely too young to be taken seriously

You've got the right idea, Mr. Clooney.  

Lucky for me, I don't have a thirst for power, so I'll remain right where I am.  I do care about justice, and equality, and social advancement, and legislation to enact those changes--but I won't be running for anything. I have no desire to and, as you can see, little chance of winning.

Old lady names

I'm visiting back home in Michigan and, consequently, am fucking bored, so I'm going to list names that I think are old lady-ish.  Longer list than I thought it would be.

If your name is on the list, please know I'm not insulting you.  Some of these are perfectly nice names (Rose, for example), but these names are nonetheless better suited for the geriatric persuasion.

1. Agnes
2. Agatha
3. Mae
4. Myrtle
5. Ethel/Bethel
6. Edith
7. Elsa
8. Geraldine 
9. Pearl
10. Rose
11. Muriel
12. Flora
13. Barbara
14. Millicent (kind of a cool name but still old as fuck)
15. Betty
16. Opal
17. Dorothy
18. Anne (sorry, but it is.  Anna is the younger version.)
19. Maude (fucking Maude.  I feel sorry for you.)
20. Blanche (worse than fucking Maude.)
21. Gertrude (worse than the two that preceded it.  Worst name ever.  If you named your daughter this, it means you hate her and/or you think she's the Antichrist.)
22. Marge
23. Midge
24. Ruby
25. Edna
26. Bessie (this name is for a horse, not a precious baby girl)
27. Evelyn (Sorry to my Nana, but the name is old.  But it's ok, because she's old.)
28. Eleanor
29. Esther
30. Viola
31. Hattie
32. Ada/Ida
33. Edna
34. Daisy
35. Effie
36. Olive
37. Bernice
38. Thelma
39. Lucille
40. Stella
41. Susan (yes, it's old.  Can you picture a little girl in kindergarten named Susan?)
42. Viola
43. Hazel
44. Margaret
45. Minerva
46. Ruth
47. Mildred
48. Fannie
49. Mamie (why?  Just...why?  Reminds me of slavery and comedic archetypes)
50. Frances
51. Gladys
52. Thelma, which leads me to the next name--
53. Louise
54. Mabel (you were born a grandmother)

Her name is 5,738% more likely to be one of the ones I listed than for it to be Ashley/Brittany/Caitlin/Megan/Amy

A real winner, ladies! Get him while you still can!

Although I'm not what you'd call hot, I get occasional facebook messages from men (usually strangers) seeking my affections.  It's the price I pay for being female; I may not be anyone's masturbatory fodder but chicks don't really have to be sexy to get male attention, which is both a good and a bad thing. Anyway, years ago, I posted on how messed up it is to hit on a woman in a relationship (and it's obvious that I'm in a relationship if you look at my facebook profile for more than five seconds).  I've also written about terrible facebook names (stuff like: John 'Stuntinondeezhoez' Doe, which has a nice ring to it.  It really rolls off the tongue beautifully, don't you think?) and I gave an example of a message you should not send to someone you're interested in.

But I don't think I've ever written about the facebook cover photo! Well, reader, tonight is the night. I think I've strayed from the topic mostly because the cover photo is relatively new, but also because this hadn't really come up before.  Most people's cover pictures display a lovely landscape of a faraway land; a skyline reflecting hometown pride; a political opinion; a close-knit group of friends; a wedding or a cat (cause the internetz needs more cats, amirite?).  Basically, they show something normal, something that wouldn't raise many eyebrows.  And even with the occasional uploaders of strange cover photos, none of them ever tries to start anything romantic with me.  But this guy whom I've never met before, while disregarding my relationship and having a terrible facebook name, sends me a message less than an hour ago. This is his cover photo:


          

No, it's not as bad as a "dickpic" (my not-so-clever name for unsolicited photos of male genitalia), but it still isn't a good look.  I know I might come off as stuck up but I'm really not.  I'm from Detroit.  The east side of Detroit.  I don't think I'm better than anyone nor do I care about a guy's pedigree or income or level of formal education.  I'm just saying: first impressions are important and all I can see is your picture, because we are not even facebook friends so I can't even see if anything else on your wall might be redeeming.  All I know is that I'm engaged to be married, that you don't give a fuck that I'm engaged, that you have a terrible facebook name and that "Fuck bitches, get money" is your personal credo.  I applaud you for your artistic homage to Notorious B.I.G. (RIP, Biggie) and your glorious command of a black Sharpie, but please think twice before you send any more messages.

Equine Sorrow

Random: Have you ever stopped to think about how shitty horses have it in life?  I might think about that more often than PETA's most ardent activist.  I feel so bad for them.  Here's why:


1) You know how it feels to wear your backpack all day?  Your back gets tired, and maybe a little sore.  Ok, well imagine you have a fucking human being on your back all day.  Yeah, horses weigh way more than humans do, but still.  If you're a 900 lb. horse with a 150 lb. man on your back (which is a conservative estimate, as most men are heavier than that), you're still carrying around 1/6 of your body weight.  And you might have to gallop, or jump around, with 1/6 of your own body weight on your back.  I weigh about 140; I would not want to run around and do tricks while carrying 23 lbs.   After about the first ten minutes hour, I'd probably be struggling.

2) You get your own choice of footwear--horses don't.  At a young age, they have hard metal horseshoes that are nailed into the surface of their hooves.  They don't get to kick off their shoes when they get home after a hard day's work.  Their shoes stay on until they outgrow them, at which point they get new shoes hammered in.  Although this area is said to be insensitive (it has been compared to a human toenail), I'm sure that the process likely a little uncomfortable, even if it's not painful.  Can you imagine getting something heavy put through your toenail?  Yeah, that would suck.

3) Wanna rest?  Too bad, horse.  You have to do your master's bidding.  If you start to slow down, you're a slacker and you might be put down.  He'll say "Giddyup, horsey!" (he might even wear spurs, the bastard!) and ignore the pain in your eyes.  Thirsty? Sorry, Seabiscuit.  You can get a cool drink only when your human says it's ok.

This is what horses wish they could say

4)  They eat grass, hay, and the occasional apple.  Not a brownie or burger in the mix. Sad life.

5) Horses stink.

6) They're most often kept in stables.  Not exactly the penthouse suite.

7)  A lot of them fall down--hard--in movies.  I know a lot of it is CGI, but some of that falling is real, and the horses don't even get a cut of the film profits.  And can you imagine doing multiple takes of the same scene where you have to fall down?  They didn't sign up to do stunts.  

Yeah, so that about sums it up.  I don't believe in reincarnation, but anyone who comes back as a horse must have done some bad things in his/her previous life.

The trouble with coupons

If you've read anything else on this blog, you already know that I'm not normal.  I'm sure the title of this post is further proof of that.  You must be asking: what kind of person has a problem with coupons?  They save you money, after all!  And sometimes, you can even get free stuff!  You must be crazy to be bitching about coupons.  You must have had a shitty childhood; that's why you're so bitter. 

Actually, I have (what I think is) a perfectly reasonable explanation for my beef with coupons. You would think that my problem with them would be the many excluded products listed in fine print near the bottom of the coupon, those exclusions that make you walk all the way to the cashier, have her ring up your merchandise and then hear the words, "I'm sorry.  You can't use this coupon for that skirt.  Only the (fill in the blank with ugly skirts no one wants) are discounted with this coupon."  I hate that, don't you?  Of course you do.  But actually, that's not what widened the wedge between me and coupons over the years.

It was the fact that coupons are so successful at manipulating people.  Indeed, coupons can harm you with more than just a paper cut. Luckily, I don't let myself get conned by them, but other shoppers are vulnerable and fall victim to the coupon's ways.  A shopper will see a coupon for $2.00 off salsa and then will go buy salsa because she has a coupon--even if she doesn't need salsa or salsa was not on her grocery list.  Although she saves $2.00, she still ends up spending more than she would have if she hadn't seen the coupon and had just bought milk, eggs, bread, toilet paper, and cinnamon rolls--you know, the essentials that you use daily.

                        

My mom got upset with me once because she saw a coupon for me and saved it.  She called me on the phone, excited to deliver the news (my mother has been seduced by coupons for years), and she said she'd mail me the coupon.  I told her, politely, no thank you and that she could keep the coupon.  She was hurt and thought I was being ungrateful.  I told her that I wasn't planning on buying that item in the grocery store, and I didn't want to buy it just because I had a coupon for it.  It just doesn't make sense to me. To my mom's credit, it was definitely something I do eat every now and then; it's not like she was trying to give me a coupon for Spam or something.  But still, she didn't understand that even with using the coupon, I'd be spending more money than I would otherwise.  Sometimes, people hadn't even planned on going to that store, but because they have a coupon for Bath & Body Works/The Sunglass Hut/Wherever, they drive all the way there to "save" money.

I am not averse to using coupons but I only use them if I was planning on buying that item or visiting that store anyway.  Otherwise, I'm a sucker.  Sorry.

Oh God yes.

I was moving back to Seattle anyway after I get hitched in a couple weeks, but this makes me even more excited. 

Typical

Excerpt from a recent Skype chat with The Fiance

Him:    i had to fart....didn't...then i think it came up and i burped it

Him:    didn't smell tho

Me:      Put this in the wedding vows.  This is why I'm marrying you.



Readers, don't try to understand our love or our sense of humor.  Just.... accept us.

Follow the rules, jerk

If you put small baggage in the overhead bins—baggage that could and should be placed under the seat—then there is something wrong with you.  Where is your humanity?  Those bins are meant for larger items—not your backpack or coat.  People like you make it so other passengers have to check their bags because there is no more room in the overhead bins.  I get angry when I see little ass bags taking up space in the overhead bins.  Put it under your fucking seat so there is enough space for the rest of us, you selfish bastard you.  You are the worst type of human being.

She sucks.  This bag could easily go under the seat. 

They don't suck.

                                                     

The problem with the Friend Zone

I get it, guys.  Really, I do.  With every issue, I try to see both sides.  I am very opinionated but fair; I try to take multiple perspectives into account before reaching a final conclusion.

So when I say I get why you hate being relegated to the so-called "Friend Zone", I'm telling the truth.  Who likes being strung along?  But let me break it to you:

No one owes you sex.  No one owes you a relationship.  No one owes you his or her attraction.  You are owed respect and kindness, nothing more.

A woman is not a bitch because she wants to stay friends with you.  It might seem unfair to you that she won't fuck you, but GET OVER IT.  Life is unfair, and it's also unfair for you to assume that if you listen to her enough/spend enough money on her/are "there" for her enough that the proper payment for this investment of energy and/or cash should always be a healthy slice of vagina.  False.

I admit that I sound like a bitter feminist, and for that I am ashamed.  I can't stand feminists, as you well know, dear reader(s).  But I also can't stand this sense of entitlement that I see around me.  A man who complains about being the Friend Zone cheapens the man-woman friendship.  He's basically saying that she's not worth being just friends with; after all, what's the point of a female friend if she won't let you inside her lady parts?

Not every chick is going to be attracted to you, or date you, or go to bed with you---no matter what a Nice Guy™ you are.  If you can't deal with that, perhaps you shouldn't have female friends.  

Ok, so maybe Bane deserves some ass....