Why I Can Never Run for Office

Even if I wanted to become an elected official and assume all of the responsibilities of the job and all of the media scrutiny (whether local or national), no campaign of mine would ever be successful.  The summer after my sophomore year, I threw any hopes of being mayor, governor, senator, or president out the window. The best I can hope for is to be in the PTA at my future kid's school.  I'll list my reasons below:

1) I'm WAY too sensitive.  I'd probably kill myself if I were in the limelight like that.

2) Pictures sent to The Boyfriend (who will henceforth be referred to as The Husband, 'cause we got hitched) in the summer of 2010.  Not birthday suit but provocative enough to cost me a few million votes.

3) I've seen not one, not two, but three therapists in my life.  I'm not sure if America is ready for someone they might suspect is "mentally unstable." 

4) This blog.  I don't think you need me to elaborate.  And even if I deleted it, there is no true deletion on the web.  What you put out here remains forever.

5) I fucking swear too motherfucking much.

6) Three tattoos (and counting).  Body modification makes the public uneasy; a person who would get inked is obviously untrustworthy, right?  Never mind my good character and my fidelity to spouse and constituents (more than I can say for a lot of politicians).

7) Thirteen piercings (done with holes in my body, but anything more than two is gonna be a media frenzy)

8) When I was a teenager, I was in the newspaper talking about abstinence until marriage but I didn't quite make it 'till marriage.  I was in my '20s and I lost it to The Boyfriend (now The Husband) but I failed to reach that goal, despite my willpower.  Let's just put it this way, as the old (and annoying) saying goes, "The press would have a field day!"  They'd be calling me a hypocrite, when in fact I was just a girl in love who made a mistake.

9) Browsing history on my iPad..............laptop's clean though

10) I'm politically moderate and therefore not extreme enough for either major party.  I advocate bipartisanship and, in an increasingly polarized country, this would not score me any bonus points.  Blacks especially must prove ourselves to be hardcore liberals or else we're traitors to our race who long for the antebellum south

11) I wouldn't want to put my family through any unnecessary hardship (again, the press can be a bitch.  Also, having a bodyguard would really suck if I were in a higher level of politics).

12) I'm only 25 years old, and likely too young to be taken seriously

You've got the right idea, Mr. Clooney.  

Lucky for me, I don't have a thirst for power, so I'll remain right where I am.  I do care about justice, and equality, and social advancement, and legislation to enact those changes--but I won't be running for anything. I have no desire to and, as you can see, little chance of winning.