Friday, August 9, 2013

Old lady names

I'm visiting back home in Michigan and, consequently, am fucking bored, so I'm going to list names that I think are old lady-ish.  Longer list than I thought it would be.

If your name is on the list, please know I'm not insulting you.  Some of these are perfectly nice names (Rose, for example), but these names are nonetheless better suited for the geriatric persuasion.

  1. Agnes
  2. Agatha
  3. Mae
  4. Myrtle
  5. Ethel/Bethel
  6. Edith
  7. Elsa
  8. Geraldine 
  9. Pearl
  10. Rose
  11. Muriel
  12. Flora
  13. Barbara
  14. Millicent (kind of a cool name but still old as fuck)
  15. Betty
  16. Opal
  17. Dorothy
  18. Anne (sorry, but it is.  Anna is the younger version.)
  19. Maude (fucking Maude.  I feel sorry for you.)
  20. Blanche (worse than fucking Maude.)
  21. Gertrude (worse than the two that preceded it.  Worst name ever.  If you named your daughter this, it means you hate her and/or you think she's the Antichrist.)
  22. Marge
  23. Midge
  24. Ruby
  25. Edna
  26. Bessie (this name is for a horse, not a precious baby girl)
  27. Evelyn (Sorry to my Nana, but the name is old.  But it's ok, because she's old.)
  28. Eleanor
  29. Esther
  30. Viola
  31. Hattie
  32. Ada/Ida
  33. Edna
  34. Daisy
  35. Effie
  36. Olive
  37. Bernice
  38. Thelma
  39. Lucille
  40. Stella
  41. Susan (yes, it's old.  Can you picture a little girl in kindergarten named Susan?)
  42. Viola
  43. Hazel
  44. Margaret
  45. Minerva
  46. Ruth
  47. Mildred
  48. Fannie
  49. Mamie (why?  Just...why?  Reminds me of slavery and comedic archetypes)
  50. Frances
  51. Gladys
  52. Thelma, which leads me to the next name--
  53. Louise
  54. Mabel (you were born a grandmother)


Her name is 5,738% more likely to be one of the ones I listed than for it to be Ashley/Brittany/Caitlin/Megan/Amy

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