Although I'm not what you'd call hot, I get occasional facebook messages from men (usually strangers) seeking my affections. It's the price I pay for being female; I may not be anyone's masturbatory fodder but chicks don't really have to be sexy to get male attention, which is both a good and a bad thing. Anyway, years ago, I posted on how messed up it is to hit on a woman in a relationship (and it's obvious that I'm in a relationship if you look at my facebook profile for more than five seconds). I've also written about terrible facebook names (stuff like: John 'Stuntinondeezhoez' Doe, which has a nice ring to it. It really rolls off the tongue beautifully, don't you think?) and I gave an example of a message you should not send to someone you're interested in.
But I don't think I've ever written about the facebook cover photo! Well, reader, tonight is the night. I think I've strayed from the topic mostly because the cover photo is relatively new, but also because this hadn't really come up before. Most people's cover pictures display a lovely landscape of a faraway land; a skyline reflecting hometown pride; a political opinion; a close-knit group of friends; a wedding or a cat (cause the internetz needs more cats, amirite?). Basically, they show something normal, something that wouldn't raise many eyebrows. And even with the occasional uploaders of strange cover photos, none of them ever tries to start anything romantic with me. But this guy whom I've never met before, while disregarding my relationship and having a terrible facebook name, sends me a message less than an hour ago. This is his cover photo:
No, it's not as bad as a "dickpic" (my not-so-clever name for unsolicited photos of male genitalia), but it still isn't a good look. I know I might come off as stuck up but I'm really not. I'm from Detroit. The east side of Detroit. I don't think I'm better than anyone nor do I care about a guy's pedigree or income or level of formal education. I'm just saying: first impressions are important and all I can see is your picture, because we are not even facebook friends so I can't even see if anything else on your wall might be redeeming. All I know is that I'm engaged to be married, that you don't give a fuck that I'm engaged, that you have a terrible facebook name and that "Fuck bitches, get money" is your personal credo. I applaud you for your artistic homage to Notorious B.I.G. (RIP, Biggie) and your glorious command of a black Sharpie, but please think twice before you send any more messages.
But I don't think I've ever written about the facebook cover photo! Well, reader, tonight is the night. I think I've strayed from the topic mostly because the cover photo is relatively new, but also because this hadn't really come up before. Most people's cover pictures display a lovely landscape of a faraway land; a skyline reflecting hometown pride; a political opinion; a close-knit group of friends; a wedding or a cat (cause the internetz needs more cats, amirite?). Basically, they show something normal, something that wouldn't raise many eyebrows. And even with the occasional uploaders of strange cover photos, none of them ever tries to start anything romantic with me. But this guy whom I've never met before, while disregarding my relationship and having a terrible facebook name, sends me a message less than an hour ago. This is his cover photo:
No, it's not as bad as a "dickpic" (my not-so-clever name for unsolicited photos of male genitalia), but it still isn't a good look. I know I might come off as stuck up but I'm really not. I'm from Detroit. The east side of Detroit. I don't think I'm better than anyone nor do I care about a guy's pedigree or income or level of formal education. I'm just saying: first impressions are important and all I can see is your picture, because we are not even facebook friends so I can't even see if anything else on your wall might be redeeming. All I know is that I'm engaged to be married, that you don't give a fuck that I'm engaged, that you have a terrible facebook name and that "Fuck bitches, get money" is your personal credo. I applaud you for your artistic homage to Notorious B.I.G. (RIP, Biggie) and your glorious command of a black Sharpie, but please think twice before you send any more messages.
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