But you ain’t married though!!!

If a guy approaches me and strikes up conversation in an effort to ask for my number/ask me out on a date/issue an inappropriate sexual proposition which I decline in the most respectful way possible, I always tell the truth: “I have a boyfriend.” Or, in an attempt to boost his ego if he is unattractive, I might say, “You’re cute, but I have a boyfriend.” In my head, this should translate to: CASE CLOSED. However, for some reason, occasionally some bloke will probe even further still, and then ask me out again. I will, again, remind him that I am in a relationship, and I do not even give out my phone number, let alone go out on dates with other people.


This brings me to the title of today’s post. Several times I have disclosed my relationship status, only to hear “But you ain’t married though!!” Or, if he happens to use proper English (not that I’m picky about slang; I’m from Detroit after all), he’ll say, “You’re not married.” or “It’s not like you have a husband!” Yeah, I get that I haven’t said any vows in front of God and man to consecrate my relationship, but that doesn’t give me (or anyone) the o.k. to cheat on my significant other. Yeah it might be “more” wrong to cheat on a spouse than on a boyfriend or girlfriend, but the ethical issues still apply, even in the absence of a marriage license. However, moral implications are not the only thing that should give someone pause when trying to court someone who is already dating/in love with someone else. There are a few things to consider:

1) It’s wrong (we already covered that) and there is no argument you could give that could make it right to pursue someone who is already taken*

2) I know it sounds lame, but how would you feel if you had a girl and some guy was relentless in trying to push up on her? You wouldn’t like it, right? So don’t do it to that other guy.

3) If I actually gave out my number and started talking to/hanging out with/dating another guy while I am in a relationship with Boyfriend, then the other guy I was talking to would never be able to trust me. Likewise, if I tried to talk to a guy with a girlfriend and he took the bait, I would never believe that he could be faithful. If he screwed her over, he’d probably do the same to me.

4) It looks bad. Yeah, every now and then I am flattered by a guy’s comments, and sometimes I find myself thinking, “Wow he must really be into me if he doesn’t care that I have a boyfriend.” But even if I am flattered, it just looks really bad to me. In my opinion, it’s not a good first impression. It reflects poorly on your character (I’m not saying if you try to be a homewrecker that you’re a bad person; I’m just saying that going off of a first impression, I will make certain assumptions, which may or may not be accurate, and that I am not impressed by you).

5)  Most of the time, it just looks like you don’t give a shit about the other person on whose relationship you wish to intrude. But sometimes, it looks desperate. Like, can’t you find any single women you could approach? I spent like 20 minutes in line talking to this guy last week, half of which he spent trying to convince me that since I wasn’t married, I had no obligation to be faithful to my boyfriend of three years. It was as if, since there was no ring on my finger, I was not governed by any ordinances that accompany wedlock. The fact that he also ignored a considerable age difference (he was at least 30 years my senior) is irrelevant, but I’ll add that little tidbit just because I feel like it. He does get points for ignoring racial differences, however. I am always pleasantly surprised on the rare occasion that I am approached by a white guy. If I was single and he had not been a person who could probably recall where he was when JFK was shot, I would have given him my number. However, I love Boyfriend and I’m trying to go there with Mr. Centrum Silver.



In short, “But you ain’t married though!!” and any related pick-up line, is not a valid reason why I should do something that (I feel) is immoral.

*UNLESS that person is in an open relationship (which I don't believe in anyway). Otherwise, you’re wrong and you know it